Before a I could answer this writing prompt I had to think a little about what confidence means to me personally, then pull out the dictionary. To me confidence is: not how cocky you are, but how much you believe in something or know something. This ‘thing’ could be a situation, person, place, or literal thing. Confidence to me is also not about ‘having faith’ in a situation, person, place or thing. This is because ‘faith’ indicates ( to me) a hope for something, where as confidence ( to me) is a knowing of something or already believing rather than hoping in something.
The English dictionary defines confidence as a noun:
‘The feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
“We had every confidence in the staff”
It also moves toward ‘faith’ which is different from my own definition. To me confidence can be a noun, or even a verb something you actively do!
So, how would I rate my own confidence?
Well, see now… that depends on what we’re talking about. To me confidence is a knowing and belief that is unshakable in something. If we are talking about how confident am I as a person– then very. This is because I know who I am, and believe in myself as a good and positive person, human, spirit, and energy. I don’t hope to be a good and positive person, I just am. I don’t hope to know who I am, I just am who I am and know me. The latter is because I have taken the time to know– me, mind you this just does not happen over night. Have you taken that time to know you?
I think for me when it comes to answering this question anything outside of confidence in me as a person, can be variable.
Confidence in:
myself- high.
My job- high.
Life- rather high. ( Because I am positive in mindset also.)
Other people- mmm, questionable! Depends who and what I need to have confidence in with another person.
For me confidence is really about how much you believe and know something to be true, or believe and know something generally speaking. This will result in the level of confidence I have in others for me.
How Can You Be More Confident?
For me this starts with the belief in something, not the hope, need, desire, or want for it. This is because all the latter outside of belief to me suggests that there is a chance that something may not, or can not be! So to be more confident for me the starting point is what you do and don’t believe, and I mean what you really believe!
Take the self, if you believe certain things ( positive) about yourself your confidence will show. Obviously the reverse of this will result in that too– lack of confidence. Another thing for me about confidence is that you have to love yourself, and I really mean this. If a person loves themselves and is fond of themselves in as many ways as possible, this actually does show in your energy. People outside who know you, or may be even don’t and have just met you will see it. This is a good thing for those who have ill intentions for you! They will know you love yourself ( with confidence), too much to put up with any rubbish. People will also understand that when it comes to you, they need to handle you a certain way, or just don’t bother at all!
When it comes to having more confidence in other people, situations, places, and things if I’m honest I feel that only other people, places, situations, and things can help keep another person’s confidence in them high and valid. By this I mean, if they are dishonest, not loyal, treat you a certain way you don’t appreciate etc., of course you can’t and won’t have confidence in them with this behaviour. Which means only the external person or thing’s actions toward you or me, and what they do or don’t do, will be what will keep yours or my own confidence in them. As individuals I don’t think we are responsible for keeping confidence in things, people, places, or situations that clearly don’t give us any reason to!
So in a nutshell, I’d rate my personal confidence as high, and I would place this down to two things I have already mentioned
I believe in myself, abilities, who I am, etc. Even if I am in a situation that is new to me I try to hold a belief that I can ‘do it’ somehow LOL.
I have an unshakable love for myself, which mind you I didn’t always honour. By this I don’t mean I have never not liked myself, on the contrary. I have just not always honoured the like and love I have for me actively by making sure that I treat myself in a way that shows I love myself, and put clear boundaries in place with other situations, people, places, and things to show I love myself. Once I realised and learned this I would say this is where confidence ( in my definition of it) came about, as a person.
So… my parting message is, believe in yourself, and always, always, always like yourself at least if you don’t love yourself (yet). Work towards loving yourself and your confidence will increase, shine, and show to everyone else on the outside. Even down to how you present yourself will shift, without you even knowing it, your attitude to life will also, you naturally will see the good in things and handle the hard times better, and most importantly your attitude and tolerance to bullshit will shift too!
In nutshell, yes I do. Why? Because I feel that fate and destiny are two things that every soul, human, and person have a part to play in.
What is Fate, Though?
‘Fate’… meant to be, making things happen, this is also a verb in the dictionary defined as ‘to be destined to happen, turn out, or act in a particular way’. This means that ‘fate’ is an action, and action is something that is done, and what do we do as people= take action and do stuff both good or bad.
Given this basic way of looking at what fate is, to me it would appear that fate is a very real thing, and of course as a verb in this context you and I can have control over it to a certain extent. Not all the time of course, but sometimes based on the actions we take. The other way of looking at fate, where we don’t have control and things are ‘just meant to happen’ I still believe in, even if you remove the action part that a person can play. I feel this way as I believe in the laws of the universe you could say, and I do really believe in things like astrology and the ‘mystical and unexplainable’ side of life. I feel that the fate that we don’t have control over with our actions is down to things like this.
Destiny?
Yes, of course I believe in this because we all have a purpose, simply put. Which to me personally is your ‘destiny’ it’s your purpose, where you’re heading or not heading. Just like fate you can play a part in this, and the universe and unexplained things can also play a part.
I think the older I have got, the more I have been able to see that in reality we can all to some extent create the life, goals, dreams, ideas, or whatever it is that we strive for. Even in the face of adversity, all you need is careful planning, be prepared to keep working and I really mean this, and be willing to take a few risks, challenges, and not let fear guide you too much to the point you become stagnate and don’t reach for whatever it is you want. Given this, this is why I feel that fate and destiny are real, you can create them for yourself, and you are always supported by unexplained things along the way.
Should You Let Fate and Destiny Guide You?
Absolutely, embrace whatever comes your way in life good or bad. But I don’t believe in being ridged and not moving, thinking, or living outside of the ‘box’ that destiny and fate can create. By this I mean, oftentimes if we think or feel ‘this is meant to be’ or ‘this is my fate’ there is a chance we can become stuck on this, inflexible, and not open to what else may present itself or what you could take action to create! This is where I feel that fate and destiny should guide you … and that’s it guide you, not define or trap you.
Can you Change Your Fate or Destiny?
Yes, I would say so and I have even experienced this myself. This is what I call life’s U-turns. Like I said fate is a verb, an action, whatever you do as an action can become your destiny, so if you are not keen on the way your fate is looking, change your action and your destiny or even destination will change and you can move in a new direction, hence a change in fate and destiny. It’s called living and life LOL.
How Can You Be Sure of Your Fate or Destiny?
Mmm, I don’t really think you can as only two things in life are for sure death and paying taxes! So all a person can do is have an idea about these things and work towards the outcome (fate and destiny wise) they would like. If your actions are in alignment with the fate or destiny you want, there’s a likely chance your fate, destiny, and outcome will be desirable … hopefully.
Are Destiny and Fate linked to God or Religion?
Not for me no. I am of no real religion, in fact I’d say I am not religious but deeply believe in the spiritual side of things not linked to what we have been fed is ‘God’. My creator, or person in charge is not in alignment with what any mainstream religion would have you believe. Am I against it? Mmm, no it’s just not for me.
Do you believe in fate or destiny? Or is this just something people like to believe in?
I smiled as I read this morning’s prompt on my feed. Well, *pauses makes a face and pouts* to be honest with you, if I can’t include people which means my son, partner, sister, and dear friends are excluded and this is based on actual ‘things’ … lemme think, okay got it!
My Tablet:
I use it daily, and it has may most needed apps on Kindle ( for all my books I have in e-book version), game apps, ( I love to play Scrabble, Rummy, and Spades online), also applications for things like astrology, Netflix ( I recently started watching the series Outlander I’m addicted to it!), and my tablet has general nick-naks I use often. It also allows to me access to the Worldwide Web, YouTube, and the news applications. I actually prefer my tablet over my laptop, I just wish that it was more suitable to write on rather than be social. I guess I associate my laptop with work, and my tablet with downtime and fun. It was a hard decision between my phone or tablet, I went with tablet as I can still communicate with others using WhatsApp on the tablet, or even Skype if I had to.
My Radio
That’s right I can’t live without my ‘boom, boom box’ it’s not old school like this one, even though I do like them. A few years back maybe around 2020 I bought an Internet radio, I have discovered some wonderful radio stations all over the world. In my house, the radio is NEVER off it is always on on a low volume in either the bedroom, or the office I write in. I also sleep with the radio on downlow, I find it much preferable to have this background noise while going to sleep.
I like all kinds of music, and I mean all from chill-hop, or lounge music you’d hear at Starbucks, jazz, soul, rock, pop, there really is not a style I don’t like. Hmm, may be apart from probably very, very heavy metal or trance/dance music they are the only two I can’t and don’t listen to. I can always appreciate everything else in between.
I not only sleep to music, I write to music, read to music, cook to music, tidy up the house to music, drive to music, I literally do everything … with music.
Some of my favourite stations to listen to are:
Smooth FM ( London). I just love the variety of music from all decades, and it’s very relaxing to sleep to as the night shift DJs cater to the time of the evening/night it is.
Cherie FM ( France) to me this is like the equivalent of London’s Smooth FM. The difference is that in France they play one English song and then a French song. You get the best of both languages. Also, the music is much more random and varied than Smooth FM you will hear Rihanna, then you will hear something in a totally different genre I love it.
FIP Radio ( France) here they play everything from rap/hip-hop, jazz, classical piano, pop, reggae all one after the other! I love this station it is ‘random’, and so eclectic in terms of the music they play. They also don’t play songs that are played on mainstream radio I noticed, it’s always smaller independent artists that are hardly known.
Amazing Chill-Hop Radio ( New York). As it says on the tin, here it’s all instrumental ‘chilled’ music that ranges from jazz, hip-hop, soul, funk, beats I love it!
Smooth Jazz.com ( Florida) this station plays some of the smoothest, sleekest, funkiest, bestest ( if that’s a word) jazz my ears have ever heard, I love it.
90s RnB and Old School ( Germany) they play very early old school RnB, from artists that if you’re probably around thirty-five and over you will remember from your twenties, that are not around today. Wonderful station for a trip down memory lane.
LBC ( London) this is a talk show station, which gives commentary on current affairs.
BBC World News ( UK) this station broadcasts everything from documentaries, news bulletins, and author interviews for the BBC book club the first Sunday of each month. I particularly love to listen to the book club author interviews, I have picked up many new books from these interviews, I tend to buy them if I liked the author’s interview and how the book sounded. I also like to listen to the questions that readers can pose. I keep saying to myself I need to actively read along with the club, so that I can pose questions to the authors about the characters and plot myself. I also really, really, really enjoy the documentaries they broadcast from around the world, this is a station for the world, it’s very international with news and commentary.
There are many other stations, lots of them are independent ones from all corners of the world that I have discovered. I think that Internet radio really is the way forward if you are a music lover, if you don’t have one invest! They are pretty cheap too, I got mine on Amazon.
My Dishwasher!
So, three weeks ago I got a dishwasher for the first time in my life! I am telling you I can’t believe I got to the ripe ol’ age of forty and never used one. *Gasps* my mum never had one, I never grew up with one, but I think that had there be space in Mum’s kitchen in my childhood home ( that she lived in for fifty years), I bet Mum would have had one!
What made me get one? Well, we now have space at home in the kitchen for one and after speaking to others who do have them, I was sold on the idea! Ours is a really pretty black one it is gorgeous. It’s been three weeks of saving my nails from chipping, three weeks of having more time in the evening to spend with my family as the dishes are taken care of, and the big surprise? I have a saucepan that is older than my son, he’s nine, this saucepan must be anywhere from fourteen to sixteen years old. It’s part of a vegetable steamer set so I can cook rice at the bottom, and put the veggies to steam on the top. I got it in Lidl the store I think. So anyway, this pan is always ‘clean’ from handwashing it of course, but with one spin in the dishwasher it was shiny, looked brand new, and as if I had just taken the stainless steel item out of the packet! It had lost it’s luster and silver shine ( understandably look how old it is), now it looks like when I first got it, I was amazed. So yeah, now I have experienced family life with a dishwasher, I can’t live without mine it was so worth the money given the time it saves, and how well it cleans.
What about you, do you have a dishwasher? Is it just for ‘lazy’ people?
What three things can’t you live with out? Let me know.
You know what sparked the inspiration for this short piece of writing? My partner! I laugh as I write this as (at the time of me writing this) last week, I turned the big 40. This week while speaking to him on WhatsApp I told him, ‘I’ve got a pain in my knee.’ His dry, sarcastic, and witty response ( as usual which always makes me laugh) was that ‘already the joys of the 40’s is starting for you LOL.’ He too turned 40 last October.
I contemplated what he said to me, I never even linked my knee pain to my new turn of a decade. In fact, I linked it to an old injury I had as a young teen that to this day still causes my knee to act up, but not in the way it has been this week!
In other conversations in the lead up to my 40th birthday, we spoke about ageing, I said to him that, ‘ it’s different for men a few grey whiskers in your beard and a few in your hair are sexy! Men get more handsome with age.’ He kind of laughed and didn’t validate what I said in anyway in his own personal beliefs. I can only assume that for him personally he still sees beauty in women as they age, here’s hoping anyway! I reflected on this too, and started to think about what it is that I have learned about life at this milestone age?
My twenties were full of fun, travelling, working on what was then my chosen career and life path, and gaining stability. This was until around my mid-twenties, my late twenties flipped 360 degrees when I decided on a new path, I also had my first real lesson learning when it comes to relationships and love which set me up for later experiences, I also became a very proud mother just as I entered my thirties.
In contrast to my twenties my thirties were filled with learning who I am, what I want, don’t want, I’d say my biggest growth in life and as a woman, human, mother, sister, daughter, cousin, aunty, friend, partner, and generally as a soul came in my thirties. That ‘growing pains’ stage that often is linked to the late teens– to mid- twenties for me came in my thirties, in particular my late thirties , that’s very bizarre. In my twenties I thought I had it all figured out! I knew who I was, what I wanted, what was important to me in life… I was dead-ass wrong! In some respects about that. I think the turning point came when I had my son at thirty. Motherhood really gave me a different perspective of life, so did travel outside of the UK with a young child, learning about different cultures, and really being ‘open’ to all life has to offer. So, I guess at this milestone of forty I’ve learned these things:
When It Comes to Life’s Direction:
You know, I think I can confidently say that it’s really okay if you have a ‘plan’ or even ‘plans’ and they don’t go to plan at all. By this I mean you think, feel, desire, and work towards something and it just blows up in your face. You may even feel like some kind of failure due to the outcome. That is until you really look deeply at why things happened. This can be said for relationships too. If things don’t pan out how you envision, try to understand why, what part you played, how you can ensure it doesn’t happen again and let that shit go, move on.
Another thing about plans we may make is that sometimes there is a bigger plan for you, and your plan was just a tiny aspect of it to place you where you are meant to be. Keep that in mind too. In no way am I saying that you should just allow your plans to fail, but I am saying that if you truly know you had everyone’s best interest at heart, applied yourself, worked hard, really planned to make a success of whatever it is that did not pan out ( job, goal, relationship whatever) then you just have to walk away knowing that you did your best, and there is something better for you. A bigger ‘plan’ that you need to journey to.
Be Selective With Friends, Associates, and Your ‘Tribe’ of People!
This is something that I ‘saw’ with others a lot in my twenties, and I did also experience myself. However, as I look back now at forty and reflect I only cottoned onto this life hack later, in my late twenties-early thirties. In life you will come across people who claim to be friends, or even want to be friends with you and it is not always for a reason you would imagine. As in, it’s not about the innocence and beauty of friendship and connection itself, there is a hidden motive, agenda, or something they want, need, desire, or sadly are jealous of about you! Yes, jealous, some souls might be attracted to you and spark up a friendship with this mindset.
Over the years I’ve become more aligned with the belief that people have an ‘energy’ about them. Myself included. The more I observe people, interact with people of different cultures, religions, backgrounds, belief systems, and generally go about my daily business I pick up on this about people. This ‘energy’ is what will introduce you to the world before you’ve even opened your mouth, if you’re authentic. In some cases, people will try to portray an energy that is not what it appears. Ever heard the saying. ‘All that glitters is not gold’, that’s what I mean when your mum or elderly relative told you that.
Without sounding like a pessimistic soul, or putting a real downer on people and making connections, I do want to say that I have learned that you need to be mindful of who you allow into your private life, space, energy, and claim as a friend. I have a natural ENFJA personality type based on the sixteen personality types; it is very accurate for me! So naturally I am more extroverted, have no problem speaking with people, meeting new people, and being in social situations which is often why I find it very easy to make friends in person and via social media, but I am genuine and authentic with who and what I am… not everyone out there is.
Whether you are introverted or extroverted like me and have an ease with people, protect your energy. Get to know people well enough before you really trust them. It could also be that I am an Aquarius and I am true to my star sign’s trait of being a people person but a ‘popular loner’ meaning, people will get all of the real me, but I don’t need to be close and tight with everyone at first I do believe in the power of building connections. That is unless you meet someone and you jus know they are part of your ‘tribe’. This happens when you are able to pick up on the energy of people I spoke about, and spot the sense from the nonsense, or the smoke and mirrors that people can sometimes give you.
In my days at university, I met a wonderful girl who over ten years later, we are still in contact and we don’t even live in the same country any more. The day we met we clicked, and stuck together as students, job searching, having families, etc and it’s because she is very authentic and a genuine friend of mine. Every time we talk on the camera which may not be often we spend hours!! There’s a lot of love between us. My point here with this learning is that you must be selective, go into situations with others with your eyes wide open, not a barrier up on your personality or who you are, or your ‘realness’ just your eyes open! When you feel a genuine connection with another person’s soul, guard it, nurture it, keep it, honour it, be a good friend, and be there for each other even if you are in different time zones and locations.
Cut People Off (Energetically) Who Don’t Serve You And/Or Disrespect you.
Listen, I am as bold as brass when it comes to deciding that I need to cut ties with a situation, person, place, or thing that is negatively impacting my health, wealth, mental state, and energy. I want everyone to do this. I have learned that too often we ( as in you and I) can make excuses for people’s narcissistic ways, negative behaviour, abuse, and general disrespect when you yourself may have done none of these things.
No, it needs to stop now. Learning to be strong enough to say, ‘enough is enough’ is a game changer. You don’t have to be nasty, rude, or disrespectful . Just energetically remove people from your space and life. This can look and feel different for everyone, but for me it’s a simple block, delete, and no contact. Sometimes there’s not even an explanation. In most cases where I have had to energetically distance myself from a person , situation, place, or thing who is disrespectful to me etc I have tried, tried, and tried, to articulate ‘what’s up’ and they have not listened. Later in life I slowly learned that in order to protect my peace in life, it’s best to not ignore red-flags and cut off what does not serve who you are, are what you wish, especially if you have done nothing to deserve what you are experiencing. Let no person, situation, place, or thing be immune to this energy block from you. I mean no one! Family too! Take this life hack and apply it as needed! Just don’t allow anyone to mistreat you purposefully and expect that you’ll be okay with it.
Ideal Romantic Partners Are Based on Characteristics, First.
What I have learned is that often times you ( as in you and I) can focus on the wrong things, always date a person’s character first focus on this a lot as well as the physical attributes and attraction. You may even find that the person you ‘click with’ is someone so unassuming, and maybe not who you would have imagined! And when this happens it can be such a wonderful experience, as you have been matched based on:
Character.
Values.
Energy.
Real connection that can develop into love.
A person’s character and energy should be the things you measure and get to know. Even if this person is of a different race, background, part of the world, etc to you if their character and energy matches yours , makes you feel love, protected, safe, provided for, they are stable mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually, and is a good father or mother figure etc this is who you should be dating and commit to. Not the man or woman who society says you should date, or the man or woman that only has physical attributes to offer you that will disappear as they age anyway, not the man or woman that you have any major doubts or red-flags with. Do not fall for the ‘okie doke’ people can give you and date their character, who a person shows you who they are believe them. If they lie, cheat, steal, abuse, but ‘ make you laugh and are attractive’ the whole person needs to be thrown away as they have shown you who they are, regardless of if they ‘make you laugh and are good looking.’ This is just an example but you get my point, what good is a person to date and commit to if their character and energy is off as a person? No good, none at all!
I’ve also learned to be very open when it comes to dating, have your ideal list of who you are attracted to yes, but I’m talking directly to women here: don’t cut yourself off from men outside of your ‘box’ age, race, height, etc as you may find a man outside it that completely takes over it! … In a good and positive way!
Understand Your Love Language, Now!
I smile as I write this, one of the best books I have ever read in the non-fiction genre is Five Love Languages: Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapmen . This book will help you understand not only how you wish to be loved and can select a partner who ‘speaks your love language,’ it will also help you understand how your partner or future partner wishes to be loved. If you understand your own love language you are more likely to avoid those who don’t understand it, and save heart ache and time wasting. If you understand another person’s love language you are more likely to be able to love them well. The result of understanding love languages and dating a person who speaks yours, and you speak theirs ( naturally without force or difficulty) can, will, and does lead to long lasting partnerships. The research the professor did for the book clearly highlights how and why understanding love languages is a key starting point, as well as dating a person’s character.
I wish I had learned about this book in my twenties! I didn’t read it until I was around maybe thirty-four, now at forty I can honestly say I recommend it to everyone!
Have A Financial Plan, Always
One thing I have learned is when it comes to money, always think of tomorrow, and the day after, not just today. It’s as simple as that. Strive to have good financial planning, live within your means or budget, don’t try to impress others, and place your investment into things that ‘appreciate’ with value not ‘depreciate’ as much as you can.
When it comes to finances and relationships, always date someone who has a similar financial outlook on life as you! If not you’ll have a very hard time. One of the biggest causes of relationship strain and break up is: financial management, or lack of it.
Remember Who You Are And Be Who You Are
It sounds so cliché but it’s true, I’ve not heard a truer word yet. In my experience of life so far at forty, I can honestly look back and say there were times I ‘thought’ I was myself, but it was more like what was expected of me, or I misunderstood what and who it is I really am, until life experiences happened and shaped me into who and what I really am. Stand strong in your own authentic self, whoever you are, don’t hide it.
Find out who you are, find your purpose, spend time working on and with yourself, be selfish and do that work. I promise you if you can fully work out who you are, why you are here, what you want, and you live each day as who you really are ( in a positive way), you will attract better people, places, situations, things, and experiences your way as they are fully aligned with you! The bullshit will filter itself out.
Always in every and any given situation know who you are, be who you are, and don’t allow anyone or anything to change who you are if you are happy with who you are. Love yourself in such a way other people can tell you love yourself!
Be Kind, Be Considerate, Be Open Minded, Understand the World Around You
It’s one thing to understand the self, but if you have the ability to understand the world around you and those that grace it you’re onto something great. People will have different views and opinions to you, and this is perfectly fine. Listen to them, try to understand them, and always be able to agree to disagree. When President Trump was in power I learned this concept a lot! I also learned this concept when there were a significant number of black people who lost their lives in the USA shortly after George Floyd’s death. Not everyone around me felt how I felt, and I am a very vocal person. The learning I had is to understand my opposition even if I didn’t agree with it.
Outside of this context and political events, generally speaking understand what is happening around you, and don’t take everything at face value. Form your own viewpoint but understand it!
Being a kind, considerate, and open minded person sounds great! But it also makes a person rounded in their energy and personality. Not only that being kind allows you to be authentic too and read other people’s responses to your kindness and energy, and you can filter out who and what is not needed.
The world is a big place, don’t ever place yourself in a box, get out there, travel, experience, see, do, like, dislike, and experience all life has to offer for you. Even when times are hard and you encounter a negative experience, learn from it. Take new challenges and experiences that come your way that seem safe to do, sometimes a new experience or direction can open up something you never imagined to be possible. Don’t be fearful too much, a natural cautiousness is needed in life, but a fear that holds you back is a hindrance. Use fear as a motivator if you can, if there is something you wish to do or achieve and have a natural fear, take small steps towards it, and where possible minimise the fear and risks, move forward with confidence.
Connect With Nature
Just get out there! Open spaces, woods, forests, rivers, the sea, ocean, lakes, parks, beaches, anywhere that is not a concreate jungle go and spend time there. Just walk, think, observe, plan, express gratitude, journal write, exercise, meditate whatever! Just go! And take your kids if you have them too.
I was born in London so I’m a ‘big city girl’ naturally, and always will love the city, and the vibe of being from a place like London that can be found in many other cities around the world too. It was not until I had the experience of living outside of a city that I appreciated nature, I have moved back to the city now, but I do have lovely outside spaces to escape to often with lakes, woodland, parks etc. Connect with nature, you will never regret it! Make it a life habit.
As a crime fiction writer, when the news surfaced that a lady had disappeared in late January, from a quiet and close-knit town in the United Kingdom, after a last sighting by a river not only did my heart go out to her family, I was intrigued. Things that I often imagine and write about do happen in real life, sadly.
I followed the case naturally out of concern, fear, interest, and as I was a bit confused as to why the police ruled out any foul play so soon. Their theory was almost straight away that she had entered the water, somehow.
Sure, the facts are that her phone was found logged into a work call still after the conference with her co-workers ended, her dog and its harness were left on the bench where she was last seen along with her phone, and then there was the crucial ten minutes between sightings of her that could not be accounted for. Personally speaking, I found the dismissal and assumption made with no body a bit much, too soon. How could they assume Nicola went into the water with no body or other evidence? This really bugged me, and I felt a little disappointment at the police’s view point. I supported her family in their public statements that they are ‘not giving up hope’ without any evidence to suggest that they should.
Up until yesterday ( at the time of me writing this around the 20th of February 2023), Nicola Bulley had been missing for twenty-four days. During this time the police released information that she was a ‘high risk’ case due to ‘ significant troubles with alcohol brought on by her menopause experience.’ From what I had understood, the police in her local town had had contact with Nicola regarding her struggles. Now if your eyebrows shot up after reading the last sentence, you’re not alone. When I heard this on the local news, I immediately thought to myself, ‘they’ve gone way too far with that info.’ Why would the police release such personal information? Why would they do this given the fact that they have already assumed she entered the water, yet had no body to prove this? I pondered this and my theory at the time was that:
They wanted to highlight her ‘character’ and ‘troubles’ and make their theory that she entered the water more plausible.
To sway public opinion on the case.
To show that the possibility that she did enter the water ( of her own accord) more believable.
Regardless of why they did it, it sparked outrage even with the government and from what I last heard they are investigating how the information was leaked, from within their own sources. But how is not the question, why is not even the question, for me it’s simply: did they go too far? This is not a critique of the police it’s just my own opinion. It made no sense to me why they would do that outside of the reasons I came up with above, and I also felt as a woman myself that this kind of information is not something that really needs to be broadcasted to the world. However, was this really needed? Should they even have released this information on her? I guess it will depend on who you are, or what gender you are with the answers.
Sadly, they did find Nicola Bulley in the river, and it was not from their own efforts. As often fictionalised in books ( my own too!) a passer-by found her body and alerted the police. The family’s full statement on how they feel about the release of personal information:
“And it saddens us to think that one day we will have to explain to them that the press and members of the public accused their dad of wrongdoing, misquoted and vilified friends and family. This is absolutely appalling, they have to be held accountable, this cannot happen to another family.”
The family singled out ITV and Sky News for making contact with them directly on Sunday night after police confirmed a body had been found, adding they had asked for privacy.
“They again have taken it upon themselves to run stories about us to sell papers and increase their own profits,” the statement said. “It is shameful they have acted in this way. Leave us alone now.
“Do the press and other media channels and so-called professionals not know when to stop? These are our lives and our children’s lives.”
It appears to me from hearing it live on the news last night, then reading it again online that they too feel that the media and police went a bit too far. I only hope that now that she has been found, the social media amateur sleuths, newspapers, and whoever else seemed to upset the family can allow them to have their peace, and Nicola to rest as they wish. In my view, yes, the police did go a bit too far releasing personal information on a woman’s experience with her menopause. They could have said she ‘had significant troubles with alcohol’ and left it at that if they really, really, had to release something… couldn’t they have?
Afternoon people! Happy Monday. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down and written something personally from me. Where have I been hiding?
Life During The Pandemic…
Well, since March and my last personal dive into my life with you all, things have been pretty much the same. While lock down restrictions eased, and then were enforced again in my part of the world, my family and I pretty much stayed put indoors. We were like, ‘you guys go out first and see what happens’ LOL.
It’s so sad, but I predicted or anticipated a ‘second wave’ of Covid- 19 and that’s pretty much what has happened. Am I against wearing a mask? Hell no! I understand people may find it uncomfortable, but, damn….what about your health and the health of others? Anyway, it’s an ongoing debate in every corner of the world. I wear mine and will continue to do so.
I have been homeschooling yes, but then decided to allow my son an actual holiday from it all, after all it is summer. I aim to restart again in a few weeks, as to be honest, I really don’t know if I will send him back to the classroom. Regardless of what the governments around the world may want, I really am not sure, until I see enough evidence to suggest that, it’s safe! For us all, not just because ‘they are children and less at risk.’ Both my son and I have delicate health so I need to be careful. Moving on enough about Covid-19!
The Writer’s Life During The Pandemic!
In a way, Covid-19 has been a blessing for me, it’s allowed me to be so productive while stuck in the house, going to bed late and waking up late too. Since March I have written three books! Two have been released 365 Days of Writing Prompts for Romance Writers which seems to have been a God send to some authors. Also The Art of Short Story and Novella Writing. The third I’ve just completed which is novella #1 of my ‘Unsolved Mysteries Series’ I’m working on. I’m super excited, to move away from romantic suspense (for a second) and work on this. The burst of inspiration came really while writing a romantic crime thriller novel, and after a discussion with my publisher. I have over five book ideas planned, one written I’m half way through the second. The goal is to get the second one done this week, as it’s novella length. Now I’m pretty much done withSacrifices due for release on the 30th September, I think for a moment I’m ‘all romanced out.’ In terms of writing and motivated to write in my other genre I love. I feel 2021, will see a lot of work put out here. Don’t worry though I will be back to the romantic suspense!
The pandemic has also allowed me to narrate one of my own books, which is done and out there for the world. It was a wonderful experience and I would do it again, for sure. I’ve also placed book #1 of two of my romance series in audio too, not narrated by me. So overall I need to express some gratitude to the pandemic, my productivity has increased without a doubt.
Reading Life During The Pandemic!
Oh man this has been the beauty for me during this time I love to read, and always wish I had more hours in the day for this. I’ve read some fantastic books. A lot of them have been non-fiction, empowerment, and spirituality genres. I’ve also really been drawn to short stories of all genres! I think this came after writing a book about writing them LOL. And being drawn to write some myself. My Kindle Unlimited membership has really served its purpose over this pandemic.
Keeping Amused At Home During The Pandemic!
One of my other superpowers is cooking, I just loooooooooooooooove to cook! Foods from around the word too, I’d say I’m pretty good. I’ve never been much of a baker though, I found this super cute set at the supermarket one day and bought it. Not only does the food taste good, it looks cute while cooking.
So that same day, for the first time ever in my life I tried to bake some home made bread. Here’s the before….
Ta da…. and after!
I was so impressed, I buy fresh bread daily, now I’m think I should just make my own. For my first attempt not bad, and it tasted really good!
Reflections on the World!
In all honesty, I am keen to see some healing happen. I think back to May time when we had the whole #BlackLivesMatter movement ( which still matters to me by the way), just because the protests may have died down, the cause in my view has not. I pray daily for the lives lost at the hands of the police, and generally due to the colour of a person’s skin.
I also pray daily for the pandemic to just ‘go away’! And also as we move into the winter time, and the flu season rolls around, that there is not a lot of worry regarding general flu and Covid-19.
I pray for school teachers forced to return to work around the world, and the children forced to return for whatever reason. Also, their parents who are worried as hell. But, they need earn a living.
I pray the political heat in the USA eases, that people vote and remove Trump. I said it. I’m not a fan, and you all probably know I’m not as well. Personally, I find him a man full of racist views and white supremacy, this is based on half the shit that comes out of his mouth, and actions. I’m not making assumptions, this is what he teaches people he’s about. Even those overseas can see it.
And the protests in Europe over the president that the people of the country Belarus, feel has rigged the re-election have justice! I pray for you.
Last but by no means least, the poor students who have lost places at university, due to the exam grading system, and with lack of actual taking exams in the UK. I pray for you guys! It’s hard and tough right now. As an ex-teacher of students of this age, my heart really goes out to you guys! Listening in to the BBC World Service radio 24/7 I’ve also heard reports on students in Thailand calling for overhaul of the monarch’s involvement in education- good luck fighting for your cause. The students in Africa who are just now taking their exams, due to the impact of the pandemic, good luck and I pray for A grade results and university places!
I hope you guys have all been well wherever you are reading this update and ramble from me. I hope your family is safe too, and some how your life is not too disrupted by the changes we’ve all had since March this year. Catch you soon! Keep well.
I’ve followed this blog RagTagDailyPromps for a little while, today managed to log on just when they posted the prompt for the day so, I’ll take part today…’Dancing’
One thing I just looooooooooooooooooove is dance, to watch it, do it, and learn it too! When I was about maybe seven or eight years old, I attended my first ever dance class. It was ballet, tap and modern dance that I fell into. I kept this up until about maybe 1999. I stopped as I suffered a knee injury! As a result all these years later I still have what the doctors called ‘fluid on the joint’ of my right knee. It’s the reason I have trouble bending down or sitting on my knees, well, that and the fact that I’m the wrong side of thirty-five now LOL
One of the most fond memories I have of my dance classes is, when we did a choreographed dance to ‘ born to make you happy’ by Britney spears. I loved Britney as a pre-teen and teen. ( I still do if I’m honest with myself), but this song as a youngster in the 90s I adored, and really enjoyed the contemporary dance our class learned. We had a fantastic teacher, I remember everything down to my leotard I wore, sadly not all the steps. I’m thirty-seven we’re going back to 1999 a long time ago! Here’s the video for old times sake. As I play this in the background while I type, I still remember the words. Check out Britney’s moves! I love her.
Later in life, believe it or not, I actually learned the dance movies to Britney’s ‘Slave For You’. That was when this song first came out. I can’t get enough of the way Britney moves her body!! Generally when she dances. I find her a very talented dancer, many disagree and feel she’s ‘taught’. While this is true, just like say Beyonce you can Brit has natural talent. I learned the routine from @1:36 time stamp to @1:53 it’s not even two mins BUT, it took a lot of practice, laughs, pausing, and sweat LOL
I really like belly dancing too over the ‘lock down’ period this year, during the pandemic, I have watched some YouTubers who give classes. I even bought a scarf with bells to wrap around my waist while I TRY to do the routines. These days I don’t really dance that much, as in classes, I feel that my knee would not be able to support doing any highly choreographed dance that well, but I do still have a love for it.
When I was in my twenties I spent a hella-lot-a time in clubs with my girlfriends, before I became a mum or had any really responsibilities in life. Each weekend we headed to central London, to the array of clubs we had back then. In my early teens and twenties I was ( and still am) a massive fan of soulful house music and the UK’s ‘Old Skool Garage’ anthems! In east London there were some great places, also the club ‘Fabric’ back then was a spot we’d go to a lot.
I can’t pin-point exactly what it is I love about dance, or any kind of exercise that is dance based. For example pilates, aerobics, yoga and even pole dancing! It could be the music, and my love for that. If there’s a song I love I automatically feel like moving to it sober or not LOL. I also like how good it is for the soul, I find it releases ‘happy vibes’. If time was not a problem I think I’d love to try to learn how to pole dance, but classic pole dancing that’s elegant as well as pole dancing for…well gentlemen’s clubs LOL ( Why not!)
I would also like learn salsa, it is a lot of fun. I only ever did one class with a girlfriend as it was more like her finding a ‘date’, rather than something we’d do each week. In all honesty, it’s time for me between juggling life and writing, I just don’t have the time. If I did, I would love to return to dance classes — gentle ones due to my knee and see if I’ve still got it!
Do you like to dance? If so what do you like to dance to? Do you have a favouite song or music?
Stealing one of the personal blog prompts today from 365 Days of Writing Prompts for Romance Writers . Wow my English teacher in what we’d call in the UK ‘secondary school’ I guess ‘high school’ to the rest of the world, in a nutshell he was a bit of a mess! LOL. I won’t name him, for now I’ll call him Mr. X.
Where did I go to school?
In the depths of south London, Mum actually sent me out of the local area to school. At the time she didn’t feel the standard of education was great in our local area.. It was just a short bus ride away, about no more than thirty to forty five minutes from where we lived. It was a mixed gender school also, generally the school did have a good reputation back then. Lots of parents sent their children there. The only thing was, while the general reputation of the school was good….some classes were unruly! My English class was one of them LOL. Not me personally, when I was in school I behaved well, I was there to learn. I actually really enjoyed this subject, languages and design and technology too this is where I excelled. But my classmates were a hoot, to say the least. It was mainly the boys, we had a group of popular boys who loved to wind up our English teacher. There was also one particular female student who had a big problem with listening and behaving. To me, sitting at my table I just bit my lip and tried not to laugh!
What was your teacher like?
At the time when he taught my class Mr. X must have been in his late thirties to early forties. He was tall, very skinny! Had long, stinging , dirty blond hair, ALWAYS wore black and had bad breath. Thinking about it now all these years later, I bet he was some kind of goth. I left school in ’99 at sixteen, but it never really occurred to me why he may have always wore black.
Anyway, like I said the class was a little troublesome and he spent a lot of his time shouting, mainly at the same students. His favourite line was ‘siiiiiiillllleeeence!’ Then, he’d slam a book or his hand on the desk, *cringe*. Nope, nine times out of ten that did not work, and he ended up splitting up the tables of students. In the end he gave us a seating plan, so certain students couldn’t sit together.
As a teacher, looking back now all these years later was he a good one? No, not really. I say this as I myself after I left school went on to be a high school teacher, and spent ten years in the profession in the classroom. I worked my way up to head of my subject. On reflection compared to what I know now , after teacher training he wasn’t a good one.
Did I learn…? Very little. Partly due to the class behaviour, but when the class was under control even then as I sit here and think, ‘what did I learn from Mr. X?’ I draw a blank!
Was it his fault? Hmmm it’s a hard one. In all honesty, I think he was at that stage of what we call ‘teacher’s burn out’. When a teacher is so jaded about the profession they just collect their pay and that’s it.
Did you get on?
In all honesty, I never really interacted with him much! I was one of the good kids there to learn, I just sat back and watched the ‘show’ every lesson. The battle of wits between him and the unruly kids. Did he ever shout at me? Yes, there were times when I got so bored I would talk, doodle, not really tune into what was going on. You could hardly blame me though if you were a fly on the wall. Did I ever talk back to him? Yeah, a couple of times as in all honesty I was one of the good kids, I felt ‘why are you picking on me!?’ as any teenager would at that time.
So in a nutshell, while English was one of my favourite subjects at school, sadly I never had a very inspirational or even dedicated teacher. It was more ‘crowd control’ at times in my lessons. Which is sad, because yes my grades in English did suffer, generally. And of course he did predict me and a lot of that class with low grades…. did I get a low grade for my GCSE exams? yeah I got a C grade. This is not ‘low’ technically A-C is good, especially back then this was the 90s. But I was capable of so much more.
What happened after school?
Believe it or not, after school when I left I re-studied English. I went to what you could call an ‘online’ community school and sat some extra tests for another English qualification. I came out with a B, now that’s more like it! I didn’t do this right away, I was probably in my early twenties as it was at this point I was searching for work, and what I wanted to do. Employers (at the time) wanted A-C grades in English, okay I had that I got a C but I wanted to re-do it so I did.
Generally I feel on reflection that my English teacher at school had a lot on his plate, but even if the class was golden he was very jaded and job hardened I think, on reflection. Sadly my English teacher did not spark my love for reading or writing, this came myself! Just something I enjoyed with little inspiration from the person who really introduced myself and classmates to it. You can’t win them all I guess! I don’t think I would go back and change things, as in the end it panned out okay. I just hope if Mr. X is still alive if he ever thinks about his time in the classroom, that at some point in his career he can look back and say, ‘I loved that job even if class 7PU were little shits’ LOL.
I really am trying to be happy every writer wants to be an Amazon ‘best seller’ one day. Personally I was happy with just awards! That’s another blog post lol it made me very emotional to win ‘Best Romance 2017’. But, in all honesty first I want to thank everyone personally who has pre-ordered a copy of 365 Days of Writing Prompts for Romance Writers and every future reader of my writer’s reference. From the bottom of my heart I appreciate you, and I hope one of my prompts and tips on crafting realistic and page-turning romance turns you in to a best-seller and/or award-winner too in the genre. I hope I spark some great stories! I woke up to an orange banner and notification I just became an Amazon Best Selling Author. I find it ironic I have achieved this by penning something outside my normal genre LOLZ.
It’s a massive achievement for me from Award Winner and I thank you. I’ve never thought about this day, or how I would feel I just want to write because…well, I can! And love it. The truth is this achievement has come during the aftermath of a very serious event in Atlanta.
Seriously, I’m grieving people I woke up this morning switched on the news again, and was over run with emotion just as I was when I went to bed last night. My good news didn’t even stem the anger, upset, frustration and personal trauma I felt as I watched the scenes in Atlanta. Another black man has died unjustly at the hands of a white police officer, and it was my intention to focus in on a blog post about this! Not write this thank you note. I am humbled, thankful and extremely appreciative, but I’m grieving to the point I could not greet my Facebook family as I normally do with a ‘good morning’.
Once again, thank you and good luck all romance writers around the world.
I think you really need to listen to the Universe when it ‘talks to you’ and shows you your ‘path’. Many of you know me well if you’ve followed my blog for a while, you know I like to research, write, read and look at the facts and make an informed decision. It could be due to my career and work before I started writing romance. 2017-2018 I held a magazine editor and columnists’ post I loved it!! It’s a shame that the founder of the magazine couldn’t hold down what we started. But, I felt that magazine writing is something I’d love to do more of. Via support for #BlackLivesMatter from this side of the Atlantic, I landed a new job as a columnist again for Aspiring Authors Magazine! Man, I’m so happy. I found out from another author they were seeking articles on black culture and the whole ‘black lives matter’ movement. So, I sent my original idea for a blog post across, and landed a role. The magazine has a focus on connecting authors around the world, especially those who are minority writers. And helping to further them in the industry.
Check them out below! My article will be in the June edition, and I am mulling over ideas for the rest of the year’s features. Thank you Universe!
You can now subscribe to Aspiring Authors Magazine LLC click on link below and order your May copy of magazine or subscribe to receive the next 7 issue(save $5 per issue if you subscribe) You can also get PDF version viewable on most all devices…. Click on link below…..
Author, Kim Knight 