Before a I could answer this writing prompt I had to think a little about what confidence means to me personally, then pull out the dictionary. To me confidence is: not how cocky you are, but how much you believe in something or know something. This ‘thing’ could be a situation, person, place, or literal thing. Confidence to me is also not about ‘having faith’ in a situation, person, place or thing. This is because ‘faith’ indicates ( to me) a hope for something, where as confidence ( to me) is a knowing of something or already believing rather than hoping in something.
The English dictionary defines confidence as a noun:
‘The feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
“We had every confidence in the staff”
It also moves toward ‘faith’ which is different from my own definition. To me confidence can be a noun, or even a verb something you actively do!
So, how would I rate my own confidence?
Well, see now… that depends on what we’re talking about. To me confidence is a knowing and belief that is unshakable in something. If we are talking about how confident am I as a person– then very. This is because I know who I am, and believe in myself as a good and positive person, human, spirit, and energy. I don’t hope to be a good and positive person, I just am. I don’t hope to know who I am, I just am who I am and know me. The latter is because I have taken the time to know– me, mind you this just does not happen over night. Have you taken that time to know you?
I think for me when it comes to answering this question anything outside of confidence in me as a person, can be variable.
Confidence in:
myself- high.
My job- high.
Life- rather high. ( Because I am positive in mindset also.)
Other people- mmm, questionable! Depends who and what I need to have confidence in with another person.
For me confidence is really about how much you believe and know something to be true, or believe and know something generally speaking. This will result in the level of confidence I have in others for me.
How Can You Be More Confident?
For me this starts with the belief in something, not the hope, need, desire, or want for it. This is because all the latter outside of belief to me suggests that there is a chance that something may not, or can not be! So to be more confident for me the starting point is what you do and don’t believe, and I mean what you really believe!
Take the self, if you believe certain things ( positive) about yourself your confidence will show. Obviously the reverse of this will result in that too– lack of confidence. Another thing for me about confidence is that you have to love yourself, and I really mean this. If a person loves themselves and is fond of themselves in as many ways as possible, this actually does show in your energy. People outside who know you, or may be even don’t and have just met you will see it. This is a good thing for those who have ill intentions for you! They will know you love yourself ( with confidence), too much to put up with any rubbish. People will also understand that when it comes to you, they need to handle you a certain way, or just don’t bother at all!
When it comes to having more confidence in other people, situations, places, and things if I’m honest I feel that only other people, places, situations, and things can help keep another person’s confidence in them high and valid. By this I mean, if they are dishonest, not loyal, treat you a certain way you don’t appreciate etc., of course you can’t and won’t have confidence in them with this behaviour. Which means only the external person or thing’s actions toward you or me, and what they do or don’t do, will be what will keep yours or my own confidence in them. As individuals I don’t think we are responsible for keeping confidence in things, people, places, or situations that clearly don’t give us any reason to!
So in a nutshell, I’d rate my personal confidence as high, and I would place this down to two things I have already mentioned
I believe in myself, abilities, who I am, etc. Even if I am in a situation that is new to me I try to hold a belief that I can ‘do it’ somehow LOL.
I have an unshakable love for myself, which mind you I didn’t always honour. By this I don’t mean I have never not liked myself, on the contrary. I have just not always honoured the like and love I have for me actively by making sure that I treat myself in a way that shows I love myself, and put clear boundaries in place with other situations, people, places, and things to show I love myself. Once I realised and learned this I would say this is where confidence ( in my definition of it) came about, as a person.
So… my parting message is, believe in yourself, and always, always, always like yourself at least if you don’t love yourself (yet). Work towards loving yourself and your confidence will increase, shine, and show to everyone else on the outside. Even down to how you present yourself will shift, without you even knowing it, your attitude to life will also, you naturally will see the good in things and handle the hard times better, and most importantly your attitude and tolerance to bullshit will shift too!
Great question, in all honesty it’s not actually writing LOL. I’m not sure if I should really admit to that. That said, I must be real and as I considered this question at this moment in time, I sincerely wish I could do more yoga every day.
In particular this yoga asana here called Pincha Mayurasana it has been a dream for many years! I attended my first yoga class in the depths of south London, when I was around nineteen or twenty years old. I was a member of a gym called Fitness First I don’t even know if they are still around, but anyway I first discovered the yoga mat here. My first class was a Hatha style yoga class which I enjoyed, as this style of yoga is focused on breath work and holding the asanas.
How Did My Love Develop?
Well, I think it was more the teacherthat really sparked my love for yoga. After I attended the first Hatha style class and experienced for the first time the feeling I had physically, mentally, and emotionally after I went on to do more of his classes. My teacher was a mature man, probably in his fifties at the time ( this was about twenty years ago), very flexible, dynamic, gave great instruction, played attention to all his students, and had a ‘vibe’ to him which was a bit hippy like and I liked it. He really held my attention and made me want to do the best I could, I found him encouraging, his name was Frank, and yep you guessed it his classes were always PACKED. You had to get there early to get a good spot in Frank’s classes.
He taught Vinyasa and Ashtanga style classes which are much, much more dynamic and focused not so much on holding the poses, but the flow from one asana pose to another using the breath. This I love, love, love, oh my gosh I love it!! I fell in love with both these styles of yoga. I bought a yoga mat from Frank, and completely abandoned the gym LOL. I remember paying an expensive gym membership and only going to yoga class and the sauna, and occasionally running on the treadmill. But Frank’s classes were well worth the gym membership fee to me.
I moved from the area and stopped my classes, in fact I didn’t practice for many, many years, after going at least twice a week for a good year. I did notice the changes in my body during that year and after, but I could not do the Pincha Mayurasana pose yet!
From Yoga Student To Yoga Teacher and Fanatic!
So fast forward may be ohhh I’d say about six years of being out of practice since I first started at around nineteen/twenty years old, and then trying to restart it again at home, and spotting an offer on a yoga teacher’s course. This is what happened, if you remember the website Wowcher I don’t even know if they are still around, I bought an online course from their deals to work towards gaining a qualification to teach yoga. Even though I was out of practice and very inflexible and unfit. I wanted to study the art of it more for me, I had no intention of ever teaching. I sadly I didn’t complete the course on my first attempt, life happened, I was taken in different directions, I was with a terrible ex-partner at the time, and my lack of energy meant that this goal was left behind.
That said, once I got my shit together, left the most horrid relationship I have ever had, and moved on in life I slowly went back to it. I would try to make the effort but this was mainly with online videos and not via formal classes.
At the start of the pandemic a wonderful blessing happened, since my first attempt at yoga teacher training in my mid-twenties the process had changed. It meant that you had to go away to a retreat and do it in person, a 200 or 300 hour course in a remote place ( normally somewhere very exotic mind you), and it cost an arm and a leg! It excluded many yoga lovers, aspiring teachers, and people like me who just want to study it, qualify, and not necessarily teach! This was due to the cost of it, and having to upsticks for a week or more to go there.
When the pandemic hit in 2020 everything moved online. Somehow I ended up with a promotional email announcing that you could now do your teacher training and study online! No in person trips to India, Barley, or an exotic location. I jumped at it, bought the course and it was only a few hundred dollars. Normally it would be a few thousand dollars. The cost reduction was due to the pandemic I would imagine. I did my 200 hour training course via a company called Yoga Renew, it was fantastic, the online videos, course materials, Zoom calls, free resources, everything about it was just amazing. Then I managed to get the same offer for the 300 hour course so you can qualify as an advanced yoga teacher, so of course I took it and paid it when it was on offer.
Now, I still can’t get into Pincha Mayurasana pose and I am still no where near as flexible and fit as I would want to be, but for me the rational for undertaking yoga teacher training has never really been to teach. It has and still is all about me! My love for the practice, how it makes me feel once I am done, and during the sessions is something I really can’t put into words, it’s a whole vibe!
So anyway, as of this moment I am working on my 300 hour course which is focused more on the ‘yogi lifestyle,’ philosophy, history, and spiritual side of the practice. Normally, when one thinks of yoga we think of the poses (asanas) and the visual form of yoga. Seeing a person bend themselves like a pretzel into a cool shape really is cool! Even for me after a twenty-one year love affair with yoga, but this is just one side of yoga and the very ‘western’ or Instagram approach to yoga. The 300 hour course teaches you this principle. My reason for undertaking the 300 hour was to make yoga a life-long learning process and habit… as I practice moving into Pincha Mayurasana pose also! And to understand the roots of the practice, the theology of it and where it comes from. We also study anatomy in more detail and eating habits. All this is something that does interest me a lot.
How Much Yoga Would I Do A Day?
I’ll keep it real with you, I find it so hard in the winter months to make time for my practice, and this is because I like to do it in the morning as soon as I wake up. I find it hard ( when it is cold) to really want to get on my mat and stretch. I aim for at least twenty mins each morning, even if all I do is stretch. This has not always been consistent and comes in dribs and drabs sometimes LOL. But I do make an effort. Because as I write this I am aiming to finish my 300 hour yoga teacher’s advanced course in 2023, I am being more strict about doing some yoga daily or minimum three times a week. If I had more time I would do at least one- two hours each day, every day, I would love to also do it outside near water somewhere. I would also like to explore the different types of yoga too.
If I had more time, I would love to go to a class… actually I probably could if I am honest, I just need to find one local to me that I like. Now that’s an idea as I write this. I think if I had a community of other yoga lovers I belonged to, I would be much more likely to keep it up, and that is saying something to me personally as I write this! I do follow may popular yoga teacher’s on YouTube and often do the lessons that the post though.
My Favourite Asanas ( Poses)
Pincha Mayurasana obviously! I think that it’s the look of it I like. The perfect social media ‘good morning’ post.
Pigeon Pose I really enjoy.
Sun Salutations I adore
Moon Salutations I love.
Low and High Lung.
Runner’s Pose.
King Dancer’s pose- I adore.
Downward Facing Dog- I really love.
This list is pretty endless, it’s hard to pin point just one. I would say for sure there is not a yoga asana that I don’t like, or avoid. I give them all a try even if I can’t do it perfectly.
I really do love this form of exercise, I think it really is one that connects and addresses balance and good feelings in the mind, body, and soul. This also spills over into your daily life, which is what I like about it too. If you really apply yourself to the concept of yoga and detach during your practice, you will be taken to a place you’ve never experienced and always want to go back to.
What about you, what would you do more of? Do you do yoga?
This was such an easy but also difficult writing prompt to respond to today. You’re probably thinking, how is that even possible, how can something be hard and easy at the same time? Well, lemme explain!
In a nutshell, summer is may favourite type of weather, as when I think of summer I think of the water and the beach. Two of my favourite things in the world! I am very much a beach person, and love the water. Even if I don’t get to go to the beach I just love the ‘summer vibe’ sundresses, shades, ice cream, BBQs, music festivals and events, get togethers with friends and family, fun times with my partner, and being out and about doing interesting things. The latter is always nicer in good weather. I’m also naturally warm blooded, I hate being cold in anyway, shape, or form! I guess this is why I would say this is my favourite season.
That said… I do like the spring time the season we’re entering into now in Europe, but for a totally different reason.
As I write this, we are about to have the equinox and the season changes from winter to spring, as I turn to my right it is pouring with rain outside LOL. However, spring-time is another season I always love because it’s the perfect weather for walking in, better than summer I find. This is because it is not as hot and humid. While summer is good for ‘chillin’, drinks, BBQs, and lazing by the water on the beach. I personally tend to walk by the water ( normally the lakes where I live) in the spring. Walking and nature are two other things I really like.
Over the last five almost six years of living near water, I have naturally developed this habit in the spring time. Just like this picture above, there are trees surrounding my local lakes ( obviously LOL) and I really enjoy the scenery and walking in the warm but not boiling weather. Spring sunshine really makes me smile, when it is warm enough for a light jacket, you may even need a scarf if it is still chilly, but you can rock your shades and walk along and enjoy the view also.
I also really enjoy spring as I tend to look at this time of year as the time I become really productive with writing and project wise. I tend to find that over the years I spend the autumn and winter ‘plotting and planning’, my next move in life or with creativity, have a little slow down in productivity, and then poof! The equinox on the 20/21st of March arrives and I’m full of beans! I come alive, literally with creativity, and my desire to enjoy life personally and generally it’s a good season for me. Providing that in my personal life, I’m not too stressed.
Generally speaking I think spring and summer suit my personality, and the things I love to enjoy in life. Autumn gives me a wonderful time to plant seeds, ‘plot and plan’ and make decisions. Winter gives me rest and wind-down vibes. I am not a fan of the weather though in winter! Autumn?… mmm depends on how bad the weather is. If it’s a harsh autumn and feels more winter-like, it’s my least favourite season with winter… sorry, not sorry to the autumn season lovers!
You know it wasn’t until I sat down on my balcony to look out at the garden with a coffee, that I started to seriously look at motherhood in a different light. In particular my own path and journey to motherhood, with it being Mother’s Day (United Kingdom) today I’d like to extend a congratulations and high-five to all the mothers—worldwide, not just in the United Kingdom, for making it through another year.
If I were to include my nine month pregnancy, this would be my tenth year of motherhood. Personally, I do believe that once a woman conceives, she’s a mother even if the child is still in her womb baking LOL. Once I reflected on my own ten year journey I realised something, motherhood is a role, motherhood is a duty, and motherhood is a job yes all this is true. That said, as women and mothers I felt that it’s really important not to forget yourself outside of this role, duty, and job that you have. This led me to question what motherhood is really about? And if it’s just about that care and nurture that we provide. I don’t think so, not anymore. I’m rather surprised that it has taken me up until my tenth year of celebrating Mother’s Day and motherhood to conclude this.
Once my thoughts started to go down this path, I started to ponder if motherhood really is just being a mother? And while you may assume that I started to include things like the skills we gain, the patience we learn, and the soft skills that come along with motherhood, as being ‘things outside of this’ that motherhood is about. Well, I never once included any of this.
I personally came to the conclusion that: when it comes to what motherhood is really about, it is not just the role, duty, job, and soft skills set we acquire. Motherhood is about you, me, her, she the person mums are outside of motherhood, that also makes motherhood ‘motherhood.’ Talking directly to any mother who may read this today ( and the partner of any mother too there’s somethings you can take from this), today is a day to celebrate the journey and what we have done, and all we are yet to do as mothers—yes. However, it’s also a day to celebrate:
Who we actually are—outside of motherhood.
How we see ourselves—outside of motherhood.
What we want for ourselves—outside of motherhood
I don’t want my writing to turn into an ‘anti Mother’s Day’ post, while most people are probably writing about the bliss of it, and how to celebrate it but…based on my thought process this morning on the above points, it led me to four key writing prompts or areas to consider and think about, if you’re not much of a journal writer. I’d like to encourage as many women who are mothers, or are about to become mothers and ‘with child’ ( I always find that expression makes me smile and chuckle a bit, whenever I hear it or read it in very early era books or television programs, but by this I mean pregnant! You get what I mean), I’d like us to think about:
How Do You See Yourself Outside of Being a Mother?
Seriously, who are you? What and who do you actually envision you’d like to become, be, or currently are if you are sure about this? As I pondered this question this morning it came to me that, motherhood really should not be what defines a woman. Yes, it’s something to be proud of hugely proud of, I am over the moon to be a mother and love the role. Which, when I think about it is really cool considering I was never the kind of woman to yearn for children from a young age, but I always got a long with children and liked them, I just never focused on the motherhood path for me personally.
Getting back to the question, who are you though? How do you see yourself? This can be interpreted by using time frames, adjectives, other roles you do, your goals etc. For me I wrote down all the things I see myself as. I don’t mean things like ‘kind’, ‘considerate,’ and personality characteristics, I mean actual tangible things like ‘writer’, ‘creative’, ‘advocate’ etc. Try this, take a moment to consider who it is you are or want to be outside of your role as a mother. Don’t focus on your character, everyone who knows you already knows your character rocks! Who are you outside of your character?
What Do You Enjoy Outside of Motherhood?
Again, seriously think about this. Motherhood takes up a hella-lot-of time, especially if your child is I would say under five, or has any kind of special learning, physical, or health need. Outside of this if your child does not have this, or is over five, it’s still a very time consuming role in other ways. Depending on your support system with your role as a mother, you might be a woman that finds yourself with very limited time for much else but… motherhood.
Even if you fall into this category now, or have done, we all do at some point. Children don’t pop out of the womb aged over five! If only. Still regardless, ask yourself, ‘what do you enjoy outside of being a mum?’ Don’t let these things be focused on other people, or even linked to other people. Like being a girlfriend, wife, partner, aunty etc. In fact, don’t even let these things have anything to do with any form of care or responsibility for anyone or anything else! Or anything that is romantically linked to another person. Focus on you and what you genuinely enjoy. Yes, I am encouraging you to be selfish right now.
For me of course writing was on the list, it’s my job. I also had things like drawing, painting, music, spirituality books, music, yoga etc. Actual things I can participate in, learn about, or do for myself, by myself for my own pleasure. Do the same, make a list for yourself, you’ll see why this is important next.
Outside of Motherhood, In This Present Moment in Time What Do You Wish To Pursue?
Referring back to the list you just made, on what you actually enjoy outside of being a mother take a look and see if there’s anything there you’d like to start, restart, follow up with, or pursue. So, if you had things that you enjoy but have never really ‘had time for’, this Mother’s Day find a few moments to sit and think about how you can change this. What is it on your list you’d like to achieve, do, or work towards, complete etc? Prioritise them in order.
How, Outside of Motherhood Will You Pursue Who You Are?
If you have seriously considered the last three questions, what you have just done is defined who and what you are outside of motherhood, and what you like to do as a person—not mother, and what you’d like to move forward with. Now, it’s time to think about how you will pursue who you are, and what you want outside of your wonderful, even if a little stressful and time consuming role as a mother. It could be such simple things like how you would carve out a tiny, tiny, small amount of time to do what you enjoy outside of motherhood. Or research into how you can achieve something you have had in mind, outside of motherhood. This last step here is about remembering, ‘who the fuck you are!’ Outside of just ‘Mum.’
The people who call you ‘Mum’ are very important, they are beautiful individuals who need you, your support, guidance, love and attention yes. But, Mum also needs to remember who she was before giving birth, or wanted to be, or is currently and doesn’t have time for, alongside the path of motherhood.
So, while you’re celebrating Mother’s Day if you’re in the United Kingdom, or even if you pick up this random writing at any other point, please from one mother to another, if you take nothing away from my dribble and random thinking out loud, just remember who you are and what it is you want out of life. Your child(ren) are/is a blessing yes, but you are also put here to become the best version of you and who you want to be, have some well-deserved fun, goals, dreams, aspirations, and achievements under your belt that are not linked to your little darlings. Having a child or children can sometimes help put you on that path, it did for me, but I have learned over the last ten years of motherhood that if I was not careful, this shit would take over who I am and I would lose me, even if the process of motherhood in some areas of my life really did show me who I was. Remember who you are, and what you enjoy, and go out and enjoy it. What are some of the things you wish to pursue? Who are you, and how do you see yourself after reading this? Let me know in your comments.
In nutshell, yes I do. Why? Because I feel that fate and destiny are two things that every soul, human, and person have a part to play in.
What is Fate, Though?
‘Fate’… meant to be, making things happen, this is also a verb in the dictionary defined as ‘to be destined to happen, turn out, or act in a particular way’. This means that ‘fate’ is an action, and action is something that is done, and what do we do as people= take action and do stuff both good or bad.
Given this basic way of looking at what fate is, to me it would appear that fate is a very real thing, and of course as a verb in this context you and I can have control over it to a certain extent. Not all the time of course, but sometimes based on the actions we take. The other way of looking at fate, where we don’t have control and things are ‘just meant to happen’ I still believe in, even if you remove the action part that a person can play. I feel this way as I believe in the laws of the universe you could say, and I do really believe in things like astrology and the ‘mystical and unexplainable’ side of life. I feel that the fate that we don’t have control over with our actions is down to things like this.
Destiny?
Yes, of course I believe in this because we all have a purpose, simply put. Which to me personally is your ‘destiny’ it’s your purpose, where you’re heading or not heading. Just like fate you can play a part in this, and the universe and unexplained things can also play a part.
I think the older I have got, the more I have been able to see that in reality we can all to some extent create the life, goals, dreams, ideas, or whatever it is that we strive for. Even in the face of adversity, all you need is careful planning, be prepared to keep working and I really mean this, and be willing to take a few risks, challenges, and not let fear guide you too much to the point you become stagnate and don’t reach for whatever it is you want. Given this, this is why I feel that fate and destiny are real, you can create them for yourself, and you are always supported by unexplained things along the way.
Should You Let Fate and Destiny Guide You?
Absolutely, embrace whatever comes your way in life good or bad. But I don’t believe in being ridged and not moving, thinking, or living outside of the ‘box’ that destiny and fate can create. By this I mean, oftentimes if we think or feel ‘this is meant to be’ or ‘this is my fate’ there is a chance we can become stuck on this, inflexible, and not open to what else may present itself or what you could take action to create! This is where I feel that fate and destiny should guide you … and that’s it guide you, not define or trap you.
Can you Change Your Fate or Destiny?
Yes, I would say so and I have even experienced this myself. This is what I call life’s U-turns. Like I said fate is a verb, an action, whatever you do as an action can become your destiny, so if you are not keen on the way your fate is looking, change your action and your destiny or even destination will change and you can move in a new direction, hence a change in fate and destiny. It’s called living and life LOL.
How Can You Be Sure of Your Fate or Destiny?
Mmm, I don’t really think you can as only two things in life are for sure death and paying taxes! So all a person can do is have an idea about these things and work towards the outcome (fate and destiny wise) they would like. If your actions are in alignment with the fate or destiny you want, there’s a likely chance your fate, destiny, and outcome will be desirable … hopefully.
Are Destiny and Fate linked to God or Religion?
Not for me no. I am of no real religion, in fact I’d say I am not religious but deeply believe in the spiritual side of things not linked to what we have been fed is ‘God’. My creator, or person in charge is not in alignment with what any mainstream religion would have you believe. Am I against it? Mmm, no it’s just not for me.
Do you believe in fate or destiny? Or is this just something people like to believe in?
I smiled as I read this morning’s prompt on my feed. Well, *pauses makes a face and pouts* to be honest with you, if I can’t include people which means my son, partner, sister, and dear friends are excluded and this is based on actual ‘things’ … lemme think, okay got it!
My Tablet:
I use it daily, and it has may most needed apps on Kindle ( for all my books I have in e-book version), game apps, ( I love to play Scrabble, Rummy, and Spades online), also applications for things like astrology, Netflix ( I recently started watching the series Outlander I’m addicted to it!), and my tablet has general nick-naks I use often. It also allows to me access to the Worldwide Web, YouTube, and the news applications. I actually prefer my tablet over my laptop, I just wish that it was more suitable to write on rather than be social. I guess I associate my laptop with work, and my tablet with downtime and fun. It was a hard decision between my phone or tablet, I went with tablet as I can still communicate with others using WhatsApp on the tablet, or even Skype if I had to.
My Radio
That’s right I can’t live without my ‘boom, boom box’ it’s not old school like this one, even though I do like them. A few years back maybe around 2020 I bought an Internet radio, I have discovered some wonderful radio stations all over the world. In my house, the radio is NEVER off it is always on on a low volume in either the bedroom, or the office I write in. I also sleep with the radio on downlow, I find it much preferable to have this background noise while going to sleep.
I like all kinds of music, and I mean all from chill-hop, or lounge music you’d hear at Starbucks, jazz, soul, rock, pop, there really is not a style I don’t like. Hmm, may be apart from probably very, very heavy metal or trance/dance music they are the only two I can’t and don’t listen to. I can always appreciate everything else in between.
I not only sleep to music, I write to music, read to music, cook to music, tidy up the house to music, drive to music, I literally do everything … with music.
Some of my favourite stations to listen to are:
Smooth FM ( London). I just love the variety of music from all decades, and it’s very relaxing to sleep to as the night shift DJs cater to the time of the evening/night it is.
Cherie FM ( France) to me this is like the equivalent of London’s Smooth FM. The difference is that in France they play one English song and then a French song. You get the best of both languages. Also, the music is much more random and varied than Smooth FM you will hear Rihanna, then you will hear something in a totally different genre I love it.
FIP Radio ( France) here they play everything from rap/hip-hop, jazz, classical piano, pop, reggae all one after the other! I love this station it is ‘random’, and so eclectic in terms of the music they play. They also don’t play songs that are played on mainstream radio I noticed, it’s always smaller independent artists that are hardly known.
Amazing Chill-Hop Radio ( New York). As it says on the tin, here it’s all instrumental ‘chilled’ music that ranges from jazz, hip-hop, soul, funk, beats I love it!
Smooth Jazz.com ( Florida) this station plays some of the smoothest, sleekest, funkiest, bestest ( if that’s a word) jazz my ears have ever heard, I love it.
90s RnB and Old School ( Germany) they play very early old school RnB, from artists that if you’re probably around thirty-five and over you will remember from your twenties, that are not around today. Wonderful station for a trip down memory lane.
LBC ( London) this is a talk show station, which gives commentary on current affairs.
BBC World News ( UK) this station broadcasts everything from documentaries, news bulletins, and author interviews for the BBC book club the first Sunday of each month. I particularly love to listen to the book club author interviews, I have picked up many new books from these interviews, I tend to buy them if I liked the author’s interview and how the book sounded. I also like to listen to the questions that readers can pose. I keep saying to myself I need to actively read along with the club, so that I can pose questions to the authors about the characters and plot myself. I also really, really, really enjoy the documentaries they broadcast from around the world, this is a station for the world, it’s very international with news and commentary.
There are many other stations, lots of them are independent ones from all corners of the world that I have discovered. I think that Internet radio really is the way forward if you are a music lover, if you don’t have one invest! They are pretty cheap too, I got mine on Amazon.
My Dishwasher!
So, three weeks ago I got a dishwasher for the first time in my life! I am telling you I can’t believe I got to the ripe ol’ age of forty and never used one. *Gasps* my mum never had one, I never grew up with one, but I think that had there be space in Mum’s kitchen in my childhood home ( that she lived in for fifty years), I bet Mum would have had one!
What made me get one? Well, we now have space at home in the kitchen for one and after speaking to others who do have them, I was sold on the idea! Ours is a really pretty black one it is gorgeous. It’s been three weeks of saving my nails from chipping, three weeks of having more time in the evening to spend with my family as the dishes are taken care of, and the big surprise? I have a saucepan that is older than my son, he’s nine, this saucepan must be anywhere from fourteen to sixteen years old. It’s part of a vegetable steamer set so I can cook rice at the bottom, and put the veggies to steam on the top. I got it in Lidl the store I think. So anyway, this pan is always ‘clean’ from handwashing it of course, but with one spin in the dishwasher it was shiny, looked brand new, and as if I had just taken the stainless steel item out of the packet! It had lost it’s luster and silver shine ( understandably look how old it is), now it looks like when I first got it, I was amazed. So yeah, now I have experienced family life with a dishwasher, I can’t live without mine it was so worth the money given the time it saves, and how well it cleans.
What about you, do you have a dishwasher? Is it just for ‘lazy’ people?
What three things can’t you live with out? Let me know.
You know as I sat down behind my laptop today, I only had one goal while I wait for a delivery: write a chapter! … or maybe two. The progression of the novel I am currently writing is in my head, but as always something will come up as I’m writing, and that one chapter goal may turn in to about two or three.
Before I set to work on this I wanted to just freely write, I don’t even have anything in particular to say other than, ‘hello March!’ This time of year I really enjoy as we move out of the cold and damp of winter ( in Europe), and move into spring-like weather. I also really enjoy watching the changes in nature take place. The start of a new month always brings some kind of intention setting for me, this month it is to work on writing more blogs, and return to book tour hosting for other authors, basically resuming to ‘service as normal’ before I took a break.
I cracked open my 365 days of writing prompts book from WordPress.com, dusted off the pages, and under today’s date the prompt is: Back to the future, write a message or send a letter to someone in the future! Great.
Dear President Zelenskyy,
It was so great to see you on the news the other day, announcing that the Ukraine has successfully overthrown all the drama that has been brought to its shores. How are your wife and children? I heard you mention once in an interview that you don’t get to see them often, are they well?
You know, now that you have reached this milestone, I started to wonder what it is that you would do next for the Ukrainian people? I imagined that maybe you would hold some kind of memorial service for those who lost their life in battle, and those who were victims of the unsuccessful Russian occupation, what do you think? Maybe you could even televise it as I’m sure others around the world would like to watch. What about the day that you were able to declare the war is over, just last week? Will you declare this some kind of national holiday for your country? It was also great to hear that the Ukraine has finally met all the criteria to become part of NATO. How about a book? Do you write at all? I’m sure you have plenty to say on how you managed the situation.
I never imagined in my lifetime that I would ever see something play out like a full scale attack on another country located in Europe, by one of its neighbours. I just want to say that as I have watched you on television, giving speeches, communicating with people in your country and around the world, and always wearing your army clothing while doing so! That I always felt you did a wonderful job as a president. You are a very young president also, this must have been such a challenge in your political career. Do you think you will run for another term? I’m not sure on how the presidential elections work in the Ukraine, but I hope that you consider it, after this success for your country I’m sure your people would welcome you. After all look what you have done for your country! You will surely go down in history as one of the Ukrainian’s most memorable presidents. Historically also, no doubt your name will be mentioned in books, records, and all kinds of places for being a president who overcome an attack on his country in the twenty-first century.
I really do hope that you are able to rebuild your country on a strong foundation, now that you are back in full control of it. The homes, businesses, and landscape that have been damaged I sincerely hope will flourish again for you.
Anyway, it was just a short letter of encouragement, congratulations, and support. Great job done! Good luck with whatever you do next in your political career, even if this means you step back and take a rest from it all. Give my love to your wife and children also. Keep well.
Well, as I wrote that I could not help hoping that this is a real manifestation for the Ukraine, that they reclaim what is rightfully theirs and they rebuild all that has been lost. I still find it hard to believe that it’s been one whole year since the war against the Ukraine started. I’m still at a loss to fully understand why this is necessary. I will say that the aid other countries have provided has been good, and while there might be pressure from other countries to supply what is need in terms of weapons to the Ukraine, I can full understand the hesitancy to do so. The backlash could be very real, and before we know if other counties are also attacked. My thoughts continue to go out to those in the Ukraine, and their president.
Happy 1st of March! I hope it’s a wonderful month for you, what are your plans? Do you set intentions?
If alive today Madeleine McCann would be approaching her nineteenth birthday this May. She is ( or was) depending on what you believe her status is today, a British girl who disappeared while on holiday with family and friends in Praia da Luz, Portugal on the evening of the 3rd of May 2007. Her siblings were left peacefully sleeping, but she disappeared.
The story is that her parents went out for a meal with their friends and left the children unattended, asleep. Many will have opinions on this kind of parenting, even if they were what appeared to be fifty-five meters (180 feet) away from the children and claimed to have ‘checked on them through the evening.’
A lot, and I mean a lot of speculation has surrounded her disappearance. Almost sixteen years have passed, there have been various ‘sightings’ of her, then out of nowhere ( to the public you and I at least) a lady from Poland Julia Faustyna publicly announces ‘I am Madeleine McCann.’ Has she been found? Is this believable? Here’s the plot twist, Julia Faustyna is deemed to be twenty-one, while Madeleine McCann would be/ or is almost nineteen. After all these years what do we know?
Parents:
Kate and Gerry ( McCann) are both medical doctors. Both were born in 1968, her mother is from Liverpool in the UK, and her father from Glasgow, Scotland. Her parents were painted to be ‘prime suspects’ in the case, at one point I do recall there being a lot of social media speculation, media reports, and just ‘talk’ of how these two had been part of this. I do also recall reading somewhere years ago, that the parents also gave their children sleeping aids so they could go out! Whether this is true or not is something only they can answer, but it was put out there for the world to see.
Isn’t this always the case though? The parents or those who are closely linked to a victim in these particular cases are looked at side-ways. Just last week, I wrote about Nicola Bulley, a missing British woman who was found dead also. Back to the McCanns, they met in 1993 according to sources in Glasgow, and were married in 1998. They then went on to have Madeline in 2003, and a set of twins born in 2005.
So, What’s The Story:
From what has been reported over the years, during their holiday in Portugal, it is said that the McCann adults and their adult friends dined at a restaurant regularly. Around 20:30 in the evening. Regardless of what you think of their parenting style, leaving children unattended their pattern and behaviour this can’t be overlooked. If the couple and their friends regularly did this, and they themselves have admitted it over the years this would be the ideal time for anyone who was in the shadows observing the group’s movements to understand exactly when, how, where, and even at what hour would be an ideal time to strike. Assuming we’re working on the assumption that Madeleine was kidnapped.
Suspect Seen?
One of the group who dined with the McCann’s reported a sighting of a man carrying a child away, directly where the children were left sleeping that night. Jane Tanner’s report was dubbed ‘Tanner Sighting’ reported that at around forty-five minutes after Madeline had been reported missing, she had seen this man and child. So, how did she see this ‘suspect’? Apparently, she left the restaurant to go and check on her own child (left unattended) and asleep during the meal. Sheesh! I am really trying to remain objective and not comment on this style of parenting, as a parent of a young child myself it’s hard not to, leaving a child unattended at night, in a foreign country…. Errrr? Different strokes for different folks or so they say? Meanwhile, this sighting from Jane Tanner in the early days of the investigation could be argued as a ‘blessing in disguise’ if she had not left to check on her own child, no one would have been able to confirm there was a person (man) with a child in the area.
Tanner confirmed this was around 21:21 in the evening, later this was discovered to be a local man who was collecting his own child from a local creche… ahhh so you mean to tell me there was childcare available at this resort? That’s interesting, again… let’s not pass judgement… So, anyway the police concluded that this sighting was, ‘nothing to do with the abduction’ clearly it was another parent collecting his own child from the childcare location.
22:00… who saw what?
After the first sighting of a man with a child was disregarded, a local couple reported that they too had seen another man, with a child, around 22:00 . The Smiths saw him around 500 yards ( 460 meters) from the McCann’s residence.
‘He was carrying a girl aged 3–4 years. She had blonde hair and pale skin, was wearing light-coloured pyjamas, and had bare feet. The man was mid-30s, 5 ft 7 in–5 ft 9 in (1.75–1.80 m), slim-to-normal build, with short brown hair, wearing cream or beige trousers. He did not look like a tourist, according to the Smiths, and had seemed uncomfortable carrying the child.’
By 22:00 Madeline was reported officially missing.
Present day:
Over the years, lots has been reported on this case, the Portuguese, and British police have not appeared to be able to see eye-to-eye on the case and suspects. At one point the Portuguese police found what appeared to them as DNA belonging to Madeline, and various other DNA samples in the room, the problem is that the area was not sealed off as a crime scene ‘properly’ and therefore it could not be concluded that these samples were DNA samples of suspects as so many people had entered the room, once the Portuguese police arrived. Damn, what a shame.
Recently there have been reports from a lady claiming to be Madeleine:
Twenty-one years old.
From Poland.
Can’t recall her childhood.
Not seen pictures of her mother pregnant with her.
Recalls being abused by a man who fits the suspect’s description.
She does resemble Madeleine somewhat ( picture on the right of Julia) and does appear to have the same characteristics of Madeleine’s iris on her eye. However, could this really be her? Her family claim in a nutshell she is ‘crazy and will not take her medication’. How often are people deemed ‘crazy’ for their own genuine thoughts and feelings? Hasn’t someone said this to you before, because you thought or felt something? How did you feel when you were dismissed in such a way?
Should we do this to Julia? I would hope most people would feel against this. A DNA test would answer all the questions… but will the McCanns agree to it? Well, the Polish police apparently are ‘dismissing her claim’ in an article posted eighteen hours ago from writing this . The McCanns themselves were said to have agreed to a DNA test, but as of late their spokes person for the family would not/ or could not confirm this. They are also said to, ‘not be giving interviews, issuing statements, or confirming anything unless told to do so by the police,’ in the Fox News reporting.
Why not give her a DNA Test?
I find it heart-breaking that the family and anyone else who is involved in this case would hesitate to agree to DNA tests. It is clearly what is needed to answer this almost sixteen year old question: what happened to Madeleine McCann?
It’s also concerning that officials, and even Julia’s family members would dismiss her feelings, thoughts, claims, and mental health in such a way. Whether Julia is suffering from ill mental health or not she should be taken seriously. Would it not be a sensible thing for the family of Julia to allow the DNA test to put Julia’s mind at ease, maybe even help with her mental ill health if we assume ( like the family is) that she is ‘crazy’. I really don’t like to describe Julia like this, and I really don’t like to think of her like this. Even if let’s just say she is suffering from mental ill health this label is a harsh one. Often, I write characters who suffer with ill mental health, and as much as I hate the label ‘crazy’ I try to show with a person’s behaviour or thought process in the story rather than label them outright ‘crazy’.
But, back to the DNA testing, it’s strange to me that this would be dismissed as something to move forward with. I feel, and this is personally speaking this is often how mistakes are made in high profile cases, people assume, dismiss, and don’t check out everything and comb through what is being presented to them—no matter how unlikely it may seem, or even if on a subconscious level it does not want to be believed. This should be left to us fiction writers, and not be a reality of police investigations.
Given the amount of ‘mistakes’ that have been recorded in detail surrounding Madeleine’s investigation, this really is a chance to make things right, or place closure on the claims. I say, give Julia Faustyna a DNA test, and move forward with the investigation into Madeleine’s disappearance. What do you think of this case? Have you been following it? Do you think Julia resembles Madeleine? What about the age discrepancy?
You know what sparked the inspiration for this short piece of writing? My partner! I laugh as I write this as (at the time of me writing this) last week, I turned the big 40. This week while speaking to him on WhatsApp I told him, ‘I’ve got a pain in my knee.’ His dry, sarcastic, and witty response ( as usual which always makes me laugh) was that ‘already the joys of the 40’s is starting for you LOL.’ He too turned 40 last October.
I contemplated what he said to me, I never even linked my knee pain to my new turn of a decade. In fact, I linked it to an old injury I had as a young teen that to this day still causes my knee to act up, but not in the way it has been this week!
In other conversations in the lead up to my 40th birthday, we spoke about ageing, I said to him that, ‘ it’s different for men a few grey whiskers in your beard and a few in your hair are sexy! Men get more handsome with age.’ He kind of laughed and didn’t validate what I said in anyway in his own personal beliefs. I can only assume that for him personally he still sees beauty in women as they age, here’s hoping anyway! I reflected on this too, and started to think about what it is that I have learned about life at this milestone age?
My twenties were full of fun, travelling, working on what was then my chosen career and life path, and gaining stability. This was until around my mid-twenties, my late twenties flipped 360 degrees when I decided on a new path, I also had my first real lesson learning when it comes to relationships and love which set me up for later experiences, I also became a very proud mother just as I entered my thirties.
In contrast to my twenties my thirties were filled with learning who I am, what I want, don’t want, I’d say my biggest growth in life and as a woman, human, mother, sister, daughter, cousin, aunty, friend, partner, and generally as a soul came in my thirties. That ‘growing pains’ stage that often is linked to the late teens– to mid- twenties for me came in my thirties, in particular my late thirties , that’s very bizarre. In my twenties I thought I had it all figured out! I knew who I was, what I wanted, what was important to me in life… I was dead-ass wrong! In some respects about that. I think the turning point came when I had my son at thirty. Motherhood really gave me a different perspective of life, so did travel outside of the UK with a young child, learning about different cultures, and really being ‘open’ to all life has to offer. So, I guess at this milestone of forty I’ve learned these things:
When It Comes to Life’s Direction:
You know, I think I can confidently say that it’s really okay if you have a ‘plan’ or even ‘plans’ and they don’t go to plan at all. By this I mean you think, feel, desire, and work towards something and it just blows up in your face. You may even feel like some kind of failure due to the outcome. That is until you really look deeply at why things happened. This can be said for relationships too. If things don’t pan out how you envision, try to understand why, what part you played, how you can ensure it doesn’t happen again and let that shit go, move on.
Another thing about plans we may make is that sometimes there is a bigger plan for you, and your plan was just a tiny aspect of it to place you where you are meant to be. Keep that in mind too. In no way am I saying that you should just allow your plans to fail, but I am saying that if you truly know you had everyone’s best interest at heart, applied yourself, worked hard, really planned to make a success of whatever it is that did not pan out ( job, goal, relationship whatever) then you just have to walk away knowing that you did your best, and there is something better for you. A bigger ‘plan’ that you need to journey to.
Be Selective With Friends, Associates, and Your ‘Tribe’ of People!
This is something that I ‘saw’ with others a lot in my twenties, and I did also experience myself. However, as I look back now at forty and reflect I only cottoned onto this life hack later, in my late twenties-early thirties. In life you will come across people who claim to be friends, or even want to be friends with you and it is not always for a reason you would imagine. As in, it’s not about the innocence and beauty of friendship and connection itself, there is a hidden motive, agenda, or something they want, need, desire, or sadly are jealous of about you! Yes, jealous, some souls might be attracted to you and spark up a friendship with this mindset.
Over the years I’ve become more aligned with the belief that people have an ‘energy’ about them. Myself included. The more I observe people, interact with people of different cultures, religions, backgrounds, belief systems, and generally go about my daily business I pick up on this about people. This ‘energy’ is what will introduce you to the world before you’ve even opened your mouth, if you’re authentic. In some cases, people will try to portray an energy that is not what it appears. Ever heard the saying. ‘All that glitters is not gold’, that’s what I mean when your mum or elderly relative told you that.
Without sounding like a pessimistic soul, or putting a real downer on people and making connections, I do want to say that I have learned that you need to be mindful of who you allow into your private life, space, energy, and claim as a friend. I have a natural ENFJA personality type based on the sixteen personality types; it is very accurate for me! So naturally I am more extroverted, have no problem speaking with people, meeting new people, and being in social situations which is often why I find it very easy to make friends in person and via social media, but I am genuine and authentic with who and what I am… not everyone out there is.
Whether you are introverted or extroverted like me and have an ease with people, protect your energy. Get to know people well enough before you really trust them. It could also be that I am an Aquarius and I am true to my star sign’s trait of being a people person but a ‘popular loner’ meaning, people will get all of the real me, but I don’t need to be close and tight with everyone at first I do believe in the power of building connections. That is unless you meet someone and you jus know they are part of your ‘tribe’. This happens when you are able to pick up on the energy of people I spoke about, and spot the sense from the nonsense, or the smoke and mirrors that people can sometimes give you.
In my days at university, I met a wonderful girl who over ten years later, we are still in contact and we don’t even live in the same country any more. The day we met we clicked, and stuck together as students, job searching, having families, etc and it’s because she is very authentic and a genuine friend of mine. Every time we talk on the camera which may not be often we spend hours!! There’s a lot of love between us. My point here with this learning is that you must be selective, go into situations with others with your eyes wide open, not a barrier up on your personality or who you are, or your ‘realness’ just your eyes open! When you feel a genuine connection with another person’s soul, guard it, nurture it, keep it, honour it, be a good friend, and be there for each other even if you are in different time zones and locations.
Cut People Off (Energetically) Who Don’t Serve You And/Or Disrespect you.
Listen, I am as bold as brass when it comes to deciding that I need to cut ties with a situation, person, place, or thing that is negatively impacting my health, wealth, mental state, and energy. I want everyone to do this. I have learned that too often we ( as in you and I) can make excuses for people’s narcissistic ways, negative behaviour, abuse, and general disrespect when you yourself may have done none of these things.
No, it needs to stop now. Learning to be strong enough to say, ‘enough is enough’ is a game changer. You don’t have to be nasty, rude, or disrespectful . Just energetically remove people from your space and life. This can look and feel different for everyone, but for me it’s a simple block, delete, and no contact. Sometimes there’s not even an explanation. In most cases where I have had to energetically distance myself from a person , situation, place, or thing who is disrespectful to me etc I have tried, tried, and tried, to articulate ‘what’s up’ and they have not listened. Later in life I slowly learned that in order to protect my peace in life, it’s best to not ignore red-flags and cut off what does not serve who you are, are what you wish, especially if you have done nothing to deserve what you are experiencing. Let no person, situation, place, or thing be immune to this energy block from you. I mean no one! Family too! Take this life hack and apply it as needed! Just don’t allow anyone to mistreat you purposefully and expect that you’ll be okay with it.
Ideal Romantic Partners Are Based on Characteristics, First.
What I have learned is that often times you ( as in you and I) can focus on the wrong things, always date a person’s character first focus on this a lot as well as the physical attributes and attraction. You may even find that the person you ‘click with’ is someone so unassuming, and maybe not who you would have imagined! And when this happens it can be such a wonderful experience, as you have been matched based on:
Character.
Values.
Energy.
Real connection that can develop into love.
A person’s character and energy should be the things you measure and get to know. Even if this person is of a different race, background, part of the world, etc to you if their character and energy matches yours , makes you feel love, protected, safe, provided for, they are stable mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually, and is a good father or mother figure etc this is who you should be dating and commit to. Not the man or woman who society says you should date, or the man or woman that only has physical attributes to offer you that will disappear as they age anyway, not the man or woman that you have any major doubts or red-flags with. Do not fall for the ‘okie doke’ people can give you and date their character, who a person shows you who they are believe them. If they lie, cheat, steal, abuse, but ‘ make you laugh and are attractive’ the whole person needs to be thrown away as they have shown you who they are, regardless of if they ‘make you laugh and are good looking.’ This is just an example but you get my point, what good is a person to date and commit to if their character and energy is off as a person? No good, none at all!
I’ve also learned to be very open when it comes to dating, have your ideal list of who you are attracted to yes, but I’m talking directly to women here: don’t cut yourself off from men outside of your ‘box’ age, race, height, etc as you may find a man outside it that completely takes over it! … In a good and positive way!
Understand Your Love Language, Now!
I smile as I write this, one of the best books I have ever read in the non-fiction genre is Five Love Languages: Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapmen . This book will help you understand not only how you wish to be loved and can select a partner who ‘speaks your love language,’ it will also help you understand how your partner or future partner wishes to be loved. If you understand your own love language you are more likely to avoid those who don’t understand it, and save heart ache and time wasting. If you understand another person’s love language you are more likely to be able to love them well. The result of understanding love languages and dating a person who speaks yours, and you speak theirs ( naturally without force or difficulty) can, will, and does lead to long lasting partnerships. The research the professor did for the book clearly highlights how and why understanding love languages is a key starting point, as well as dating a person’s character.
I wish I had learned about this book in my twenties! I didn’t read it until I was around maybe thirty-four, now at forty I can honestly say I recommend it to everyone!
Have A Financial Plan, Always
One thing I have learned is when it comes to money, always think of tomorrow, and the day after, not just today. It’s as simple as that. Strive to have good financial planning, live within your means or budget, don’t try to impress others, and place your investment into things that ‘appreciate’ with value not ‘depreciate’ as much as you can.
When it comes to finances and relationships, always date someone who has a similar financial outlook on life as you! If not you’ll have a very hard time. One of the biggest causes of relationship strain and break up is: financial management, or lack of it.
Remember Who You Are And Be Who You Are
It sounds so cliché but it’s true, I’ve not heard a truer word yet. In my experience of life so far at forty, I can honestly look back and say there were times I ‘thought’ I was myself, but it was more like what was expected of me, or I misunderstood what and who it is I really am, until life experiences happened and shaped me into who and what I really am. Stand strong in your own authentic self, whoever you are, don’t hide it.
Find out who you are, find your purpose, spend time working on and with yourself, be selfish and do that work. I promise you if you can fully work out who you are, why you are here, what you want, and you live each day as who you really are ( in a positive way), you will attract better people, places, situations, things, and experiences your way as they are fully aligned with you! The bullshit will filter itself out.
Always in every and any given situation know who you are, be who you are, and don’t allow anyone or anything to change who you are if you are happy with who you are. Love yourself in such a way other people can tell you love yourself!
Be Kind, Be Considerate, Be Open Minded, Understand the World Around You
It’s one thing to understand the self, but if you have the ability to understand the world around you and those that grace it you’re onto something great. People will have different views and opinions to you, and this is perfectly fine. Listen to them, try to understand them, and always be able to agree to disagree. When President Trump was in power I learned this concept a lot! I also learned this concept when there were a significant number of black people who lost their lives in the USA shortly after George Floyd’s death. Not everyone around me felt how I felt, and I am a very vocal person. The learning I had is to understand my opposition even if I didn’t agree with it.
Outside of this context and political events, generally speaking understand what is happening around you, and don’t take everything at face value. Form your own viewpoint but understand it!
Being a kind, considerate, and open minded person sounds great! But it also makes a person rounded in their energy and personality. Not only that being kind allows you to be authentic too and read other people’s responses to your kindness and energy, and you can filter out who and what is not needed.
The world is a big place, don’t ever place yourself in a box, get out there, travel, experience, see, do, like, dislike, and experience all life has to offer for you. Even when times are hard and you encounter a negative experience, learn from it. Take new challenges and experiences that come your way that seem safe to do, sometimes a new experience or direction can open up something you never imagined to be possible. Don’t be fearful too much, a natural cautiousness is needed in life, but a fear that holds you back is a hindrance. Use fear as a motivator if you can, if there is something you wish to do or achieve and have a natural fear, take small steps towards it, and where possible minimise the fear and risks, move forward with confidence.
Connect With Nature
Just get out there! Open spaces, woods, forests, rivers, the sea, ocean, lakes, parks, beaches, anywhere that is not a concreate jungle go and spend time there. Just walk, think, observe, plan, express gratitude, journal write, exercise, meditate whatever! Just go! And take your kids if you have them too.
I was born in London so I’m a ‘big city girl’ naturally, and always will love the city, and the vibe of being from a place like London that can be found in many other cities around the world too. It was not until I had the experience of living outside of a city that I appreciated nature, I have moved back to the city now, but I do have lovely outside spaces to escape to often with lakes, woodland, parks etc. Connect with nature, you will never regret it! Make it a life habit.
As a crime fiction writer, when the news surfaced that a lady had disappeared in late January, from a quiet and close-knit town in the United Kingdom, after a last sighting by a river not only did my heart go out to her family, I was intrigued. Things that I often imagine and write about do happen in real life, sadly.
I followed the case naturally out of concern, fear, interest, and as I was a bit confused as to why the police ruled out any foul play so soon. Their theory was almost straight away that she had entered the water, somehow.
Sure, the facts are that her phone was found logged into a work call still after the conference with her co-workers ended, her dog and its harness were left on the bench where she was last seen along with her phone, and then there was the crucial ten minutes between sightings of her that could not be accounted for. Personally speaking, I found the dismissal and assumption made with no body a bit much, too soon. How could they assume Nicola went into the water with no body or other evidence? This really bugged me, and I felt a little disappointment at the police’s view point. I supported her family in their public statements that they are ‘not giving up hope’ without any evidence to suggest that they should.
Up until yesterday ( at the time of me writing this around the 20th of February 2023), Nicola Bulley had been missing for twenty-four days. During this time the police released information that she was a ‘high risk’ case due to ‘ significant troubles with alcohol brought on by her menopause experience.’ From what I had understood, the police in her local town had had contact with Nicola regarding her struggles. Now if your eyebrows shot up after reading the last sentence, you’re not alone. When I heard this on the local news, I immediately thought to myself, ‘they’ve gone way too far with that info.’ Why would the police release such personal information? Why would they do this given the fact that they have already assumed she entered the water, yet had no body to prove this? I pondered this and my theory at the time was that:
They wanted to highlight her ‘character’ and ‘troubles’ and make their theory that she entered the water more plausible.
To sway public opinion on the case.
To show that the possibility that she did enter the water ( of her own accord) more believable.
Regardless of why they did it, it sparked outrage even with the government and from what I last heard they are investigating how the information was leaked, from within their own sources. But how is not the question, why is not even the question, for me it’s simply: did they go too far? This is not a critique of the police it’s just my own opinion. It made no sense to me why they would do that outside of the reasons I came up with above, and I also felt as a woman myself that this kind of information is not something that really needs to be broadcasted to the world. However, was this really needed? Should they even have released this information on her? I guess it will depend on who you are, or what gender you are with the answers.
Sadly, they did find Nicola Bulley in the river, and it was not from their own efforts. As often fictionalised in books ( my own too!) a passer-by found her body and alerted the police. The family’s full statement on how they feel about the release of personal information:
“And it saddens us to think that one day we will have to explain to them that the press and members of the public accused their dad of wrongdoing, misquoted and vilified friends and family. This is absolutely appalling, they have to be held accountable, this cannot happen to another family.”
The family singled out ITV and Sky News for making contact with them directly on Sunday night after police confirmed a body had been found, adding they had asked for privacy.
“They again have taken it upon themselves to run stories about us to sell papers and increase their own profits,” the statement said. “It is shameful they have acted in this way. Leave us alone now.
“Do the press and other media channels and so-called professionals not know when to stop? These are our lives and our children’s lives.”
It appears to me from hearing it live on the news last night, then reading it again online that they too feel that the media and police went a bit too far. I only hope that now that she has been found, the social media amateur sleuths, newspapers, and whoever else seemed to upset the family can allow them to have their peace, and Nicola to rest as they wish. In my view, yes, the police did go a bit too far releasing personal information on a woman’s experience with her menopause. They could have said she ‘had significant troubles with alcohol’ and left it at that if they really, really, had to release something… couldn’t they have?
Author, Kim Knight 