Tag Archives: reflections

2020: Introspection & Identity

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At around 9.00a.m this morning my eyes shot open. For me this was strange, I couldn’t believe the time. I went to bed at about 4.00a.m, I was up reading. I didn’t feel tired and in some ways I was happy to be up, and not laze in bed until gone 11.00 am! I got up and switched the heating on as we’ve had some very chilly mornings, then crept back into bed. I stayed put, listened to the soft music, looked up at the ceiling, and thought about the fact that it’s the 31st December 2020.

For many, myself included this is normally a date to celebrate, party, have a few drinks, and really have a good ol’ time! This year it’s not that I don’t feel like doing this (can’t anyway with the pandemic and restrictions on social contact), it just feels like a very different ‘vibe’ for me as we end this year.

I contemplated this and wondered why this is? Obviously, the pandemic yes. But, there was more to it. I looked up at my ceiling and tried to find the words to describe 2020 in a nutshell, from a personal first person point of view for myself. ‘Introspection’ and ‘identity’ are the two words that came to me. But what exactly is it about these words that mean so much to me? Why do I sum up 2020 as my personal year of introspection and identity? I asked myself.

According to Wikipedia: ‘Introspection is the examination of one’s own conscious thoughts and feelings.[1] In psychology, the process of introspection relies on the observation of one’s mental state, while in a spiritual context it may refer to the examination of one’s soul.[2] Introspection is closely related to human self-reflection and self-discovery and is contrasted with external observation.’

Sounds about right to me, from the second quarter of this year, I’ve done nothing but observe my own conscious thoughts and feelings. Via journal writing each day, I’ve filled up a good few since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic. Not only that, I have been very observant of the world around me and what’s happening. You recall what’s happened this year, most of it is probably etched into your mind just like it is mine. It’s been a year of really learning about each other, how others think, feel, see others, their points of views. I found that there were a good few I disagreed with! And some I did.

Introspection: Black Lives Matter Movement and Social Justice Around The World

In terms of myself, I don’t want to say ‘I’ve learned’ more about me, as I feel I know myself well, but I have rediscovered me I guess. And got to know myself on a deeper level, thinking about things from different points of views or even deeper than I have done in the past. With regard to the world at large, I think the #BlackLivesMatter movement really struck me, and made me sit up and take note of what’s happening. I became more ‘alert’ to how minority races were treated in general. Being from London, I must say while racism is everywhere London is a cultural melting pot I am so proud of. You’ll see people from all over, being racist (personally) is something I can’t do. Because I have been brought up in a city that embraces one and all! Not only that, it’s just not me as a person, I can’t look at the colour of some one’s skin and pass judgement before I know them. Yes systematic racism with the police, and other organisations is there in London and the whole of the UK. I know this, and see it . However I never have really outright experienced it myself, in London or where I live now but I am fully aware of it and recognise it.

The #BlackLivesMatter movement caused me to really grab hold of my identity as a woman of colour, my black -British status, as well as African ancestors, and family descent from the Caribbean and be proud of it. I’m the daughter of immigrants, I am proud of my culture and what it has to offer. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved it but I became more proud. I also became much more aware that in society and some parts of the world there is a long way to go, if a man can be treated some kind of way in the street, (still in 2020) because of who he is skin deep. And while it has happened long before the murder of George Floyd I am so glad that finally the world has sat up, and now takes police brutality and the general equality, diversity, and, right to be free of pre-judgement seriously!

The conversation that has been happening world wide over race, equality, and police brutality caused a lot of introspection for me personally. As well as anger! I’m black female, I have a black son, what kind of world is he growing up in, what can I do to help change it for the better for him and every little boy that looks like him? These were and still are my thoughts all 2020. This is the kind of introspection I’ve had all year, since the death of George Floyd and all those before him, and that followed him. I looked at my son different, I didn’t see the beautiful and handsome seven year old he is. I saw a public enemy number one, and it scared me. He is a tall boy, and will be very physically powerful when he is a teen, and a full grown man. I can see it, and his father is 6’3 he takes after him. It made me worried for a moment for his future, and how people will see my son because of his skin tone, build, and pre-judgement on ‘who he is’. It also made me want to ensure that he grows up being aware that he is a man of colour, know his history as a man of colour, and should be proud of his pigmentation and not let it hold him back.

I have concluded from George’s, and every other name that will be remembered following his, that died at the hands of police brutality ( there were a few more!), because of what appeared to be because of who they are skin deep, that apart from supporting the cause, writing about social justice as a writer for Aspiring Author’s Magazine LLC, I need to also do what I can in the world of fiction. Positive writing, change the perception of people of colour, change the view that in literature that writers of colour can only offer one perspective of gangs, drugs, thugs, street life etc.

I quickly started to keep tabs on the #BlackLivesMater movement across the world too. It also made me take note of social justice in general, not just race but sex, gender, sexual orientation. Any kind of ‘movement’ for an oppressed demographic of people I followed. Even the students in Thailand who fought for their rights, those in Belarus who protested against their president, the women in Argentina who fought for abortion rights. I lapped up the view point of those seeking justice across the world. It opened my eyes. The BBC Word Wide News Service became my daily medicine to listen in to what was happening with society across the world. I love that station!

Introspection: Social Distances

The pandemic crossed my mind as I was in bed, still looking up at the ceiling. Man, fuck! That’s all I can say when I think about this virus. To think that we end the year with a new ‘variant’ of Covid-19, it is just mind blowing! I took the positives from the pandemic. While it has been very hard at times to be ‘locked down’ at home, I do feel that it has been very necessary and myself and family took it seriously, and even more so now!

‘Home is where the heart is’ they say, so with this in mind I’ve personally done a lot to keep the home in good order, cleared out clutter, made it nice and homely. Being at home did not really impact me too much as I work from home, but staying home is very different to just working. I used this time to really connect with writing, I have become a prolific writer! Journal writing, and novel writing, from fiction to non-fiction. While some may have found it hard to write, I found that it has been my ‘escape’ from the TV, news, and reports on the pandemic. Don’t get me wrong I have been glued to the media and news! But writing really helped me to ‘stay sane.’ The fact that I can’t see friends, family, or go out as freely as I once did caused me to sit and write!

Reading has also become a safe haven of mine, I read a lot anyway before all this madness. The pandemic has just heightened this. While I watch the news a lot I don’t watch TV. I have no favourite shows, or things I have to watch each week.

Generally the pandemic, social distancing, and lockdowns have caused me to let go of superficial things in life. Remain in the present, as tomorrow may just be messed up! So go with the flow and don’t over plan, just have an idea of what you want. Follow the universal energy to make it happen, when the time is right rather than force things. I’ve also really increased my value of the outdoors and nature. I enjoy it anyway, but since it has been restricted days spent just sitting in the park, or by a lake where I live have been wonderful!

Home schooling as challenging as it was and some days still is now, has been so rewarding for my son. And our bond is even more tighter than it was. In some respects I feel that he has done better at home and made more progress. I have seen it.

Overall, 2020’s introspection has made me feel that it’s not wise to waste a moment of life, it can be cut short at any moment. You must do what you feel called to do, and what your soul is pushing you toward. I read Paul Coelho’s The Alchemist this week and boy! It felt like some kind of divine timing that the book in audio version was suggested to me on YouTube, and it was free to listen to! It reinforced all that I had been feeling up to the point of me writing this blog about 2020.

Identity: 2020

Ah yes, identity. Let me just say this before 2020 I felt like I had a good sense of who I am. And what I would call my identity or what I ‘identify’ with. Be it morals, principles, etc. This year it’s a whole new vibe! First of all the word ‘author’ am I an author? Yes technically because I have authored many things from books, novellas, articles, audio books etc. But really I’m a ‘writer’ and ‘novelist’, I prefer to call myself this! This is my ‘identity’ I feel more aligned with.

I feel that my identity as a person and woman in her late thirties, not just my profession (writer, novelist) will now probably influence a lot more of my writing. From what I want to write, where I write, to the characters I create or won’t create. 2020’s introspection, observation of the world, realisations internally and externally have helped to firm up my ‘identity’, and how I connect with others, my profession, and what I create!

I feel like as the year has been such a creative year in one respect that moving forward, I feel more compelled to ‘live that creative life’ more than I was before LOL I don’t know if that makes sense, but it does to me I know what I mean by it.

So whatever you do tonight to see out 2020 just be safe, consider the risks, and do have fun! Consider your own personal introspection, observation, and identity that has happened in 2020 for you. How you will move forward from this? It certainly could help to ensure that 2021 is a better year, improved year, important year, pivotal year for you, while it will remain a tough year in the background with with Covid-19.

It’s early afternoon for me as I write this, but I will say in advance happy New Year! And thank you for connecting with me via my blog in 2020!

Book Review: Time Passes Differently Here, By Vivian Zems ( Poetry) 5 Beautiful Stars

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Viv Z

With seventy pages, a poem per page, there’s probably I’d say around close to seventy poems here. They were just beautiful to absorb and contemplate. I found fourteen of my favs, I really had to narrow it down. I came across this author’s work on Facebook after she shared it, and thought why not dip in!? Very glad that I did. I do enjoy poetry and these were very touching reads. To the point that I wished I could actually write poetry myself… I can’t!
About the book:

This poetry collection is observational and inspirational, challenging the reader to contemplate life, death, passion, and adversity. Race is not left out, as history is revisited with violence, and conciliation embraced.
Time does not follow its usual trajectory in 2020; it passes and moves with a breathtaking difference here.

blendedfamilies - my review

Five Beautiful Stars!

Time Passes Differently Here features a collection of super bite-sized poetry, the book can be read in one sitting. I found each one very well developed, which is a weird thing to say as we’re talking about poetry, not characters as in fiction. What I mean by ‘well developed’  is I felt as though each line, word, and poem came from the heart. I also really enjoyed the author’s style of poetry.  It was almost like if I really deeply took in what she was saying, I could see the metaphors and word play she has used. This is the development part I really loved, how she used her words and the meaning that came across as I read them.  I could then interpret the poems, and relate them to my own thoughts, feelings, and even see where she’s coming from. Not so much with what she’s said, but how she’s said it. It felt to me as I read almost like this author has sat down in some kind of reflective state to really write her words. I would guess possibly in a bench somewhere, a few of the poems make reference to benches! I felt like the author is a  people watcher, observer of life, and current affairs.

There were for me fourteen poems that I related to, as they reminded me of things I could relate to.

Poem’s Right- I love this one, as a crime fiction writer I loved the word play and the use of ‘rights’ we have related to a poem. It was cute.

Where’s the Time– I read it and thought, ‘that’s so me, where does the bloody time go?’

A World in Disarray– At times I felt like the author was referring to current affairs in politics, civil rights, and all that’s happened in 2020. I liked this poem a lot. Not because it’s political but because it’s so fitting for 2020 as a year.

Blood Speaks Louder– Very fitting with 2020, and powerful I liked it a lot.

Moot Question- Again I could relate, the first thing that came to my mind was #TeamNoFuckingSleep that’s me with all I’m juggling. I liked it.

Dad’s House- A very sad poem, a glimpse into the author’s own life possibly. I enjoyed it.

R.I.P George Floyd- I don’t need to explain this, if you follow my blog you know why I dig this poem.

The Sycamore Tree– I just loved this one, as it was  a beautiful account of seeing life from the POV of a tree LOL. Also, it made me think of the book I love ‘ Sycamore Row’ by John Grisham a very gritty, crime thriller, and controversial too. However the poem is nothing like John’s book or plot it was  just the use of this kind of tree, which is a main feature in John’s book too.

The Walk- Beautiful!

Nostalgia- It made me chuckle a bit, thinking about life pre-mask wearing and Covid-19.

Laugh Again- Beautiful.

If I Could- I read this and instantly thought of my son, and I wondered when the author wrote this whom she was referring to!

Observations at Lunch Time– Another one which made me feel that the author spends time on park benches! And why not? I love it there too. It made me think, ‘I need to get out more with my note pad too.’

What is Peace– Stunning, and I agreed with every word.

Overall, I’ve not actually read poetry that has resonated,  left me wanting more, and even thinking ‘could I do this, could I be that brave, how would I even start to write poetry?’  in a long , long, time.  It was a wonderful reading experience, and as a reader I would give this five beautiful stars out of five. There was no sadness, depression, hurt, or pain it was more like an uplifting reading experience. Like I said I felt like via the author’s metaphors, word play, and her delivery style not so much what she said but how she said it, with such bite-sized words to me made me realise that writing, writers, and true talent are not just for or about those of us that spin fiction. It’s the poets out there  too, who know how to use less than fifty words and pack a punch! I would read more. At the time of writing this Time Passes Differently Here is FREE to read on Kindle Unlimited, and also in paperback too!

Grab a copy here.  for USA 

And here for UK

 

 

Writing Prompt: Tell Us About Your English Teacher… Damn! Okay

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Stealing one of the personal blog prompts today from 365 Days of Writing Prompts for Romance Writers .  Wow my English teacher in what we’d call in the UK ‘secondary school’ I guess ‘high school’ to the rest of the world, in a nutshell he was a bit of  a mess! LOL.  I won’t name him, for now I’ll call him Mr. X.

 

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Where did I go to school?

In the depths of south London, Mum actually sent me out of the local area to school. At the time she didn’t feel the standard of education was great in our local area.. It was just a short bus ride away, about no more than thirty to forty five minutes from where we lived. It was a mixed gender school also, generally the school did have a good reputation back then. Lots of parents sent their children there. The only thing was, while the general reputation of the school was good….some classes were unruly! My English class was one of them LOL. Not me personally, when I was in school I behaved well, I was there to learn. I actually really enjoyed this subject, languages and design and technology too this is where I excelled. But my classmates were a hoot, to say the least. It was mainly the boys, we had a group of popular boys who loved to wind up our English teacher. There was also one particular female student who had a big problem with listening and behaving. To me, sitting at my table I just bit my lip and tried not to laugh!

What was your teacher like?

At the time when he taught my class Mr. X must have been in his late thirties to early forties. He was tall, very skinny! Had long, stinging , dirty blond hair, ALWAYS wore black and had bad breath. Thinking about it now all these years later, I bet he was some kind of goth. I left school in ’99 at sixteen, but it never really occurred to me why  he may have always wore black.

Anyway, like I said the class was a little troublesome and he spent a lot of his time shouting, mainly at the same students. His favourite line was ‘siiiiiiillllleeeence!’ Then, he’d slam a book or his hand on the desk, *cringe*. Nope, nine times out of ten that did not work, and he ended up splitting up the tables of students. In the end he gave us a seating  plan, so certain students couldn’t sit together.

As a teacher, looking back now all these years later was he a good one? No, not really. I say this as I myself after I left school went on to be a high school teacher, and spent ten years in the profession in the classroom. I worked my way up to head of my subject. On reflection compared to what  I know now , after teacher training he wasn’t a good one.

Did I learn…? Very little. Partly due to the class behaviour, but when the class was under control even then as I sit here and think, ‘what did I learn from Mr. X?’ I draw a blank!

Was it his fault? Hmmm it’s  a hard one. In all honesty, I think he was at that stage of what we call ‘teacher’s burn out’. When a teacher is so jaded about the profession they just collect their pay and that’s it.

Did  you get on?

In all honesty, I never really interacted with him much! I was one of the good kids there to learn, I just sat back and watched the ‘show’ every lesson. The battle of wits between him and the unruly kids. Did he ever shout at me? Yes, there were times when I got so bored I would talk, doodle, not really tune into what was going on. You could hardly blame me though if you were a fly on the wall. Did I ever talk back to him? Yeah, a couple of times as in all honesty I was one of the good kids, I felt ‘why are you picking on me!?’ as any teenager would at that time.

So in a nutshell, while English was one of my favourite subjects at school, sadly I never had a very inspirational or even dedicated teacher. It was more ‘crowd control’ at times in my lessons. Which is sad, because yes my grades in English did suffer, generally. And of course he did predict me and a lot of that class with low grades…. did I get a low grade  for my GCSE exams? yeah I got a C grade. This is not ‘low’ technically A-C is good, especially back then this was the 90s. But I was capable of so much more.

What happened after school?

Believe it or not, after school when I left I re-studied  English. I went to what you could call an  ‘online’ community school and sat some extra tests for another English qualification. I came out with a B, now that’s more like it! I didn’t do this right away, I was probably in my early twenties as it was at this point I was searching for work, and what I wanted to do. Employers (at the time) wanted A-C grades in English, okay I had that I got a C but I wanted to re-do it so I did.

Generally I feel on reflection that my English teacher at school had a lot on his plate, but even if the class was golden he was very jaded and job hardened I think, on reflection.  Sadly my English teacher did not spark my love for reading or writing, this came myself! Just something I enjoyed with little inspiration from the person who really introduced myself and classmates to it. You can’t win them all I guess!  I  don’t think I would go back and change things, as in the end it panned out okay. I just hope if Mr.  X is still alive if he ever thinks about his time in the classroom, that at some point in his career he can look back and say, ‘I loved that job even if class 7PU were little shits’ LOL.

 

 

 

 

Writing Prompt: Imperfection #amwriting

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“Imperfections- in things, in people, in places add character to life. Tell us about an imperfection you cherish?”

Mistakes! I Love Them!

Yep, that’s right I do, and a great writing prompt under today’s date in the book.  To be honest, I feel that as we all make mistakes it’s an imperfection that we all have, as people. Whether it be taking the wrong turning while driving, work mistakes, or in my case as a writer God forbid typos!!  These are just minor things of course. In all seriousness, I value this ‘imperfection’ of making mistakes ( major/serious ones and minor ones), we have as humans, as I believe that the mistakes that we all make do a few things as well as add character to life:

  1. Teach.
  2. Give direction.
  3. Allow growth.
  4. Confidence.

Now, I’m not just talking about the minor mistakes we may make on a day-to-day basis. I also mean those major, maaaaaaaaaaaajjjjjjjjjjor mistakes we make in life, generally.  The ones that make is question what the hell we were doing LOL.

Think about it. If you’ve ever made a mistake most likely you did learn something from it. Even if it was not pretty, you still learned something, which then gave you a direction, sometimes even a new one! This new direction brings ‘growth’ be it mentally, as a person, or in your skills set/attitude etc. and then, I have no doubt that you had a brand new air of confidence about you, right? Yep I knew it!

Sometimes…. this doesn’t happen, though.

Yeah, by this I  mean when we make a mistake, if we don’t embrace it or this ‘imperfection’ and by this I mean the actual mistake or action, not the fact that we made one, it’s in these cases feel that a person won’t experience the beauty of the mistake.  The beauty being, the four things I listed above and the positive side to embrace of this ‘imperfection’ we all have.  These four things, in my view do four further things.

  1. Heal.
  2. Strength.
  3. Determination.
  4. Self-belief.

Yes,  as you’ve probably clicked to me mistakes (the imperfection I love in life), are things that provide a circle of experiences– that better you. If you do embrace this imperfection and experience what I mention in the first paragraphs, most times we come full circle and heal (even if the mistake was not traumatic, healing comes in many forms and it could just be as simple as knowing that you’ll never make that minor mistake again). Then, we have strength to keep going, be determined, and that only leads to increased self-belief in my view.

Overall, in all honesty many people hate making mistakes  ( myself included I do like to do things as best I can, generally). But, when push comes to shove if I had to embrace an imperfection in life, as someone who likes perfection, I’d say I’d embrace making mistakes. No matter how major or minor, as if embraced fully you can gain a hell of a lot, no matter how minor a mistake it was!

I think the imperfection that adds character to life is our natural human ability to fuck up, royally sometimes! *shrugs shoulders*.

What about you? What imperfection do you feel adds character to life?

Writing Prompt- Buffalo Nickel

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Prompt- ‘search through your wallet, pockets, or down the back of the couch find the first penny you can. What year was it printed/made and what were you doing??

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The first penny I found in my purse was made in 2011… let’s step back

2011

Well that’s  nine years ago and back then I was twenty-eight years old, and life was so different, but how! In every way.

Appearance- I wish I had a picture, but in this age of technology the photos on my phone really don’t go back that far. I have also changed phones a number of times since then. But, what I can say is I had a short, straight bob just under my chin. I used to chemically straighten my curly hair too! My weight and height really has not changed. Still 5’5 and still a UK dress size 12-14.

Living- I was living in south London, in a beautiful one bedroom apartment with my then  partner. I was not a mother yet, and I guess at the time I thought I was happy. But I soon realised, nope I was not! Fast forward a few years I moved away from south London and became a mother.

Job- I was working at a local college, like a high school I guess you could call it. I loved my job, and most of the people I worked with. It was around this time that I would say, I was at my ‘peak’ in my nine- five working career. Before I started to take writing seriously.

What do I miss about the year 2011?-  in all honesty, nothing really when I think about the rat-race job I was doing, some of the unmotivated people I worked with, and how different I was as a woman, as in I was not in touch really with all the things I naturally love. Mainly due to the person I was with at the time, and trying to be everything to everyone else, but not true to myself. I can  honestly say over the last nine years I have  grown so much. I’m much more authentically me, happy and in a way glad that  I’m no longer stuck in south London, in the job I was in, or chemically straightening my hair as the damage it left, was unreal!

What’s been the biggest lessons since 2011- that when it really comes down to it, you really have to be true to yourself. If this means letting people, places and situations go for 1. your own sanity , peace, mental emotional and spiritual well-being then DO IT! And don’t feel bad. Secondly,  the universe works in very mysterious ways, it a-lines in ways to put you in a-linement. This means, removing people, places, situations and things that are not for your highest good. Then not only replacing them, but upgrading them too!

Lastly, people come into you life for a reason, some stay, some go, some teach you lessons about yourself and life. Pay attention. And always listen to your gut, no matter who thinks you’re crazy. If you feel called to do something or make some kind of change, it’s your intuition guiding you, never doubt it no matter how scary the change or new thing may be.

Would I change anything that has happened over the last nine years?– err good question. Some things I would BUT, when I think about it, if I changed these particular things I would not be on my path now. I honestly feel I’m now on the right path, so when I look at it like that I should be grateful for the last nine years. Even all the experiences that I would say ‘ yeah I’d change that’. It’s a big catch twenty two question.  I’d change maybe how giving I was to some folk, only for them to turn around and take that for granted. But everything else I’d keep it, as it honestly set me up nicely for my late thirties!

Pick a random penny, what’s the year and what were you doing? Drop a comment, or blog it and link it down below I’d love to know.

 

 

Writing Prompt- Plot of Earth…?

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Prompt-  ‘You’re given a plot of land and have the financial resources to do what you please, what’s the plan?’

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what a wonderful idea! This really got me thinking, what would I do with unlimited resources and land? Many may say ‘build a house’ or do something for themselves, personally if I were ever luck enough to be in this situation, in all honesty I think I would…

Build a food kitchen, in the most poorest areas in third world countries.

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It breaks my heart to think that there are people out there with not enough to eat! Especially children. I think I would have to start in Africa and set up a place in different areas, where nutritious food is prepared and served daily. If there are  people in remote villages near by, who are unable to get to it, part of the service would be to bring the food the the village.

Build a few schools and invest in education….

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Education is so important to me, as an ex-high school teacher of ten years service I love to see people achieve! I think, I’d select some states across the USA with really low records of student achievement. Here, I would provide the resources needed to help increase students achievement.  Or even just build better and newer schools. In particular I would focus on marginalised students, who have learning difficulties.

In the UK we are pretty good with educational achievement, but one thing I do think the system lacks, sometimes, is enough classroom assistants to help support learners with learning needs. I’d invest in this, in the UK. Increasing the number of schools for those with special learning needs, that are very extreme it holds them back from mainstream school. In mainstream schools, I’d increase the money put into employing special needs assistants in mainstream schools. 1. to support the students in class 2. to help reduce some classroom stress and worry for teachers. Who often worry if their teaching is effective when there are learners with learning needs.

In other third world countries, I’d just build brand new schools! And focus on  increasing the level of students who are able to learn and have access to education.

If I had unlimited money, and land that’s what I’d do focus on feeding people, and increasing education.

 

Rambles and Randoms #MFRWauthor #amwriting

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2019 badge blog challenge 640x640 Amerigo BT

A few years ago I joined in on the fifty two week blogging challenge for romance authors, using the prompts from this great organisation. I’m jumping in for 2019 at week eleven, and go back and answer a few of  what missed…. in other words take a break from proof reading.

Question: Do you hold, share or hide an odd hidden talent?

I love astrology, I just can’t get enough of  how the study of the planet movement can impact on life. I studied it, got a diploma in astrology and yep every month I do look at the what the plants are doing.  Sometimes  I plan things I want to do based on what star sign the new or full Moon is in, or where my ruling planet for my star sign is in the universe.  Yep, I know my birth chart off the top of my head, and do compare it to the day that certain astrological major events are happening, like a planet moving signs or whatever event is taking place like an eclipse for example. Just to see how it may impact me, or what ‘house of life’ the planet transit is happening in. Is that weird? Probably.

Question: The difference between collecting and hording?

I found this such an interesting prompt, as I really had to think and question myself.  My paranoia set in big time!

Kim’s brain ticking, and eyes narrow: To collect, means you collect things that are valuable, rare or something useful.  Hording is when you’re afraid to let go of something you’ve collected, no matter how broken or unusable it is. Hmmm yeah,  when my shoes are old and battered…. I chuck them out, and buy a new pair to add to the ‘collection’. Same with all the beauty products.  Hmm yeah yeah.  If kept hold of the old shoes, finished glosses or lippies…. then I’d be hording right?… right.  *Nods head slowly while pouting* …. yeah, that sounds about right you’re collector girl, don’t panic.

Question: stress eating, whys and wherefores?

You know, I don’t and never have done this. I  get that some do, but when I am feeling stressed I turn the other way from food. I tend to not eat, if there’s very stressful things happening, not like everyday stresses or challenges but real life stress. I can’t answer this one from the why or wherefores.

 Question: Point of view choices and preferences?

Now, this is going to sound very strange from a romance author, but I proudly break every rule in the ‘romance writing’ cookbook of ‘how it should be done.’ In fact, I recommend to any new writer to stay away from those books, as they mass produce the same old. I stray whenever I feel like it, if the story calls me to.  I write first person, present tense and I don’t give a hoot who thinks what. And that is probably why I stand out, I’m not the only romance writer that does it I know, but those of us that do we’re the rebels and the bad asses to go against what’s considered the norm and ‘way to write romance’. And we are the ones probably turned away from agents and publishers  the most, because we are rebels.  But I’ll be honest… I chucked that cookbook right out, along with the cookbook that says every male lead is ‘tall, dark and handsome’ and every female lead is ‘ waiting to be saved’. * Smirks* nooo, no no, I like my women like I like my coffee strong! For the most part anyway, same with the men.

The romance genre is very full of third person past tense, which is nice and okay, and yes I can write like that if I feel like it or feel the story needs it, but that’s not what got me my first publishing deal, that’s not what made me an award winning author, and it’s not what landed an agent’s interest in my the novel I wrote to submit this year.  So I keep it real, and I keep it how I like it and where my true gift shines.

I’ll let you into a secret too those very same chapters I submitted to two agents, one came back and said to me ‘ I need to follow the rules’ and asked me if I’d consider doing a rewrite she did want my work, I kid you not, I actually laughed told her ‘no thanks.’ The other one she requested the full manuscript, in order to know where I stood with them I checked if the tense is okay , they said ‘yeah it works keep there.’ From this I feel be creative don’t feel bound to rules.

Personally I feel that POV’s should be written from the angle the story calls for it to be written from, if it’s an intense thrilling story there is nothing like bringing the reader up close.  My honest POV, on writing POV in the romance genre and generally is, be brave because there are readers of this genre (which includes me), who are sick and tired of the same old same old, same plots done over, same feel of the story the same predictability.

On the other hand I could feel like this and write how I write, as I write things like general thriller and crime, so I guess that’s where I get the rebel streak in me from. But, in a nutshell there are ‘rules’ and then there’s talent and creativity which will allow you to tell the story,  and find your own style and not have to follow ‘rules.’ Don’t be afraid to use it and stand out, there is nothing wrong with that.  This is by no means a knock to any writer who sticks to the rules either, it’s just an honest response to this prompt.

Question: reading, writing or living?

All three, damn I can’t do one without the other two. I can’t write without the urge to read, reading is what brought me to writing, not the other way around. I ran a book club for years ,and read two books or more a month before I even even wrote ‘Chapter One’ and wrote a story. But I always had a love of writing, I needed a push I got it and never stopped.  I need to live to read and write, and and live for reading and writing, so I need all three in my life!

Right! Okay, back to the proof reading before bed, I am going  over the stories from The Suspenseful Collection Volume Two. I can’t believe how going back over work I did with Didi from 2017, has made me smile so much, mainly as the challenge was and still will be to write the story over a weekend LOL. It’s such a great challenge every week, I need to thank you again if you voted in the writing prompts we used for the stories we have so far for this volume.

Right now, we’re writing the bonus stories ( that will only appear in the actual published book only), and extending the ones you all voted for to be extended  in the actual volume. This trip down memory lane is pretty cool. Thank you guys!

I hope once I speak with Didi again next week, we’ll have a plan on how we go about the challenge in 2019, and voting. I have never been more challenged by this kind of writing prompt challenge I LOVE IT. Thing is I  have no say on how the story ends ( unless I’m author two), but the challenge of being author two is I need to just roll with what Didi puts on my plate, and lap it up I can’t change it as  we don’t talk about the story it’s against the rules!

On the other hand being author one, is also just as challenging as you need to  break the ice and give the reader something interesting quick as it’s a short story, and the other writer something good enough to work with, and hope they don’t hate it! I could go on, but seriously it’s brought a much needed smile back  to my face, after personal withdrawal to deal with life it’s great to be back doing what I love.

Catch y’all soon.

 

Thirteen?- Service Resumed As Normal #amwriting

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img_20190313_211101.jpgI’ve not logged into my author email account since the 13th September 2018, I’ve not blogged since the 13th September 2018. Today is the 13th March 2019, as I sat down originally and pulled up a new blog post to write, the time was 9.13 p.m. Many consider this an unlucky number, if you’re into numerology like me you won’t believe this. And, you’ll probably break down the number 13 to the number 4. 4 being the number of stability… which to means to me, today is a good day to write this and a very good sign from the universe that things are ‘stable’.

My original plan was to do a video and upload it and speak to everyone, but there’s been so many changes on WordPress, and for some reason my account ‘does not allow this access’. So what the fuck? May as well do what us writers do a write up y’all. I don’t know how many will read this but it’s important for me to write it, so it’s here. I want to let those who have contacted me, and had a lack of response know that now I am okay. Before I was not 100% and I had to withdraw and focus on my personal life.

The first thing I want to say is if you have sent me an email since the 13th September 2018, you’ll know I never got to respond. This is a heartfelt apology to all those 10,000 unread emails I logged onto today. If you are someone from what was  a Conscious Talk Magazine  member who emailed me, or has been emailing me asking what’s going on,  I will contacting you all directly speak to you ALL to explain, the ending of 2018, which resulted in my lack of response and absence. To everyone else I am so sorry!!

If you were waiting on a book review, interview, some kind of promotion and I never came through. I’m sorry forgive me I had a rough end to the year. But 2019 has started great. I feel that the end of last year, and most of the last two years for me personally, have been the ending of cycles, and karmatic things I had to experience  and deal with in order to be where I am now, which is a very good place.

I turned thirty-six in February and had a fantastic time, thank you if you did send birthday wishes thank you. Honestly, there are  good reasons for my absence.  I don’t really want to go into all that on a blog, I just want to let you all know I had to disappear for  six months for personal reasons, now I am the best I have ever felt. Living my greatest life! My family are well too.

That aside, I should start with the good news, and what I have been doing as a writer. The last time I wrote here  on the 13th  of September, I was in the throes of writing a  romance novel that has been requested by an agent. I was (and still am even more) over the moon. It’s complete,  yes! And I renamed that bitch after it took me so long to round it up. It’s changed from the very nice ‘Once Bitten Twice Shy’ title to ‘Sacrifices’ the story took on a meaning of its own, as I was writing. It’s now  on the way to that agent’s inbox.  I now await her response and I hope she likes it. While it’s shorter than my first full length novel , it’s taken me like since 2017 to push out just 72,000 words. I say just, as that’s nothing compared to the 90,000 odd I wrote before.

Now, I’m focused on a manuscript I’ve not finished, before I even published my first book. My very first idea,  it’s a crime thriller with a hint of romance! I keep talking about that, and need to get around to focusing on it. So yes, 2019 I have big plans in terms of writing personally, and finishing off The Suspenseful Collection part two, with my co-author bestie Didi Oviatt. That girl’s been so patient with me after I ghosted her in September. Tomorrow we’ll  meet on Skype and I am totally prepared for her to curse me out. I laugh as I type this as I know Didi very well, personally and what she’s like ( and she  knows me very well). I can imagine what tomorrow will be like. Thing is not only is our writing similar we have a lot in common as people, and get on really well. So I know it will be like ” what the fuck Kim? You bitch you ghosted me, I had the stories ready and blah blah blah” then, we’ll be back to laughing and joking, like nothing ever happened. After six months, I am rather excited to speak with her.

I’ve also been ghost writing too! Which is a great way to earn money as a writer,  if you are good, have talent and if you don’t mind signing non-discloser acts, and not being credited for your work…but paid instead, very well  indeed for all your work! I’ve written some very interesting topics and short books, to put food on the table and live. I have been offered another topic I’m considering, while I juggle my own work to publish.

Life has changed,  it feels like I’ve shed a skin, been to hell and back, come out smelling like roses and feeling good. I still have a day job that involves writing so I guess now, I am now a full-time writer.  I never actually thought I’d get the pleasure to say that, but I am! Writing my own work but also a variety of things that I never thought I’d turn my hand to.  I feel like I’ve got my dream job! So here goes  for 2019.

In terms of being present here, my vision for my blog is still to write short stories, do writing prompts which you all know I looooooooooooove, promote other authors, book reviews all the stuff I did before. And of course interact with as many of you as I can, and READ as many other blogs as I can. I no longer get emails sent to me for blogs I follow, why is that? Is this some major change on WordPress?

This is just a quick post to say ‘sorry’ to those who need to hear this, and update those who have just been like ‘ where’s Kim?’ I better try and make my way through this mountain of unread mail!

Thank you for reading, thanks to those who have sent me ‘hey what’s up’ emails. And if you have sent me an email cursing me out, which I’ve not got to yet, hey it’s cool I have no hard feelings.  I am yet to pull up all the mail and see what I’ve missed. But you have to understand I had no choice but to pull back and remove myself totally from everything.

I’ll catch y’all soon!

Ps. guess what the time is as I end this blog post 10.13pm…this is spooky!!

 

 

 

 

Random Thoughts: What Astrology Taught Me About Writing… The Time Is Now

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Love of writing

Before I started to write this post I had to step out into my garden and take a deep breath.  It’s late 11pm but I’m in a random reflective mood, I’ve not blogged in months so here goes some random thoughts…I can’t believe the journey I have been on this last year, personally and as a writer.  For a year in August I’ve been editing a magazine and writing non-fiction. During this time I’ve had the pleasure of going back to Astrology, as I have written to horoscopes for Concision Talk Magazine. I fell into Astrology, Tarot and all that good stuff when I was about sixteen, that’s another blog post. Anyway, as you read this now in June 2018 Mars the planet of action, determination, goals, motivation war and conflict has gone retrograde. This basically means moving backwards from an Earth’s perspective, during this time it’s when we are forced to revisit old ground, anger can come out for some depending on circumstances, it’s not a time to start new ventures things come to completion normally.  Also, it’s a time of focusing directed energy as Mars’ forceful motivation, determination and ass-kicking energy is in full force!

The interesting thing about a planet’s retrograde is that is happens in a ‘house of life’ for us all, depending on your birth chart where exactly. For me when I pulled up my chart on the 26th June the day the planet went into retrograde until the end of August, the retrograde is happening in my 5th house, the house that’s linked to creativity, romance, children, life’s pleasures and enjoyment.  This told me, this is the house I need to go back to creativity, what I love and look at old projects.

What is even more interesting about a Mars retrograde is that it happens every twenty-six months roughly, if you look back at the dates and times for yourself personally, you’ll have an idea of lessons you need to learn in your own life, or themes in your life etc. For me the retrograde from 2010 were largely based around my marriage, the home and family and creativity. You’re not going to believe this, I looked at my Astrological birth charts during the retrograde periods as far back as 2010, in 2016’s retrograde I realised I wrote my first novel, got my first publishing deal and that novel turned out to be an award winning novel, the retrograde took place in my 4th house of life which is connected to the family, home, recent past and your foundations.  ( Back then I was not following Astrology as I once did all my life, and had no idea this transit was happening in these areas). However, I was going through some shit! Massive changes which lead to me being free to write and so I did…  just before the current retrograde Mars almost two years later I started to write another romantic suspense, sent over three chapters to an agent who requested the full book from me, this was in late 2017 early 2018. I moved country  just as she come back to me, and had the magazine going so writing fiction slowed. If I’m honest, I never really could get into writing the fiction again I was loving the non-fiction of the magazine. Now, under this Mars retrograde in my 5th house of creativity, romance and life’s pleasures  clearly I’m being pointed to go back and prompted not miss the chance with the agent who is interested in my work…  write that damn book. I also, really miss my ‘home’ of fiction writing, you can take the editor out of the writer but you can’t take the writer out of an editor is how I feel. I found it so enlightening and awaking this week to study Astrology and notice  that during the last Mars retrograde, I wrote my first full 90k word novel during the exact three months it took place! Every day I wrote, like a crazy woman forget editing… and it showed LOL. I just wrote and later down the line polished the book.

Astrology teaches you so much in life! ‘As above so below’…. my break from fiction writing is clearly over as of this month. I’ve set the challenge, Mars’ retrograde will unleash the fiction writer in me again, and yes you better believe that agent is going to snap up my book like it’s the best thing she’s read this year!  I am I’m going back to that manuscript I feel a stronger writer… even if I was badass before *wink.

People check your birth charts see what this Mars retrograde can mean for you, if you believe in all that ‘mombo jumbo’ it really can move you to where you are meant to be! If you have no clue how to do it, I’ll do it!  It will take me like two seconds to pull up a chart using your birthday, location of birth and time of birth just email me! Don’t miss out on any opportunity or where you are meant to be when these cosmic changes transit, remember as above so below! The time is now!

 

Romance Writer’s Challenge Week #47: My Writing Space…. Is My New Inspiration. #amwriting #MFRW #writerslife

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badge blog challenge updated.pngI have missed so many weeks! I swear when I signed up to this challenge I said I’d do every week, I got to about week twenty odd and stopped. It’s now week 50-51 *sigh.* I hope there is another fifty two week challenge for blog topics in 2018.

I feel inspired to write week #47, as I am at present sat in my living room at my new desk and here it is….

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Nothing fancy, but it does the job I have my letter writing supplies to hand and Sudoko … I love those puzzles. Enough space for my laptop and good lighting. In my old home I had a round glass table in the kitchen, that doubled up as my desk. My new environment means I have enough space to have a desk just to write and a kitchen table LOL! The only thing missing from this picture is a vase with fresh flowers. The day I took this photo I literally dumped everything on my desk, today it’s tidier and I do have some fresh roses pink and orange. To the right of my desk is a large book case with six shelves full of  all my favourite books with authors I love, a music system and a fire place.  To the left a large window and the rest of the living room.

I set my desk up in a corner of a the living room as it’s so large, rather than one of the other bedrooms. This way at least  I can write,  surf the net, Skype while I keep an eye on my boy. I am also within earshot of his bedroom. Toddlers crash around all the time making noise I’ve learned not to jump at every sound he makes… unless I smell smoke or hear glass crashing I’ll be at my desk…. writing. 🙂

What does your writing space look like? I’d love to see and hear about it.