Tag Archives: #90DayBlogChallenge

Finding Your Purpose in Life: Where To Start?

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I’ve really been slacking with my #90DayBlogChallenge that I set myself, but as I woke up this morning this dawned on me,‘finding one’s purpose in life and where to start?‘ As I progressed through the day the need to shed some light on this, that may help others became stronger. Especially with the pandemic and many people experiencing instability with work, or income. It’s an ideal time to really sit down and ask yourself have you found your purpose? And how would you even go about this?

But what is purpose?

Purpose/ˈpəːpəs

Noun

  1. The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.”The purpose of the meeting is to appoint a trustee.”
  2. A person’s sense of resolve or determination.”There was a new sense of purpose in her step as she set off.”

Verb

  1. Have as one’s intention or objective.”God has allowed suffering, even purposed it.”

According to the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition above, it’s a reason for something or could even be an action also. So think about this: purpose means reason, so what’s one’s reason for living, breathing, getting up. Secondly, what is one placed here to do, achieve,or be in this life?

How could/do you find your purpose?

I won’t lie I did find my own purpose a good while back, years back actually. That said, it took a while for me to accept it and move towards it. For me it kind of just landed in my lap following a change in direction. I’d say it ( my purpose) found me. This was probably on reflection a much harder way to find one’s purpose, why? Simply because I had to wait for it to find me, I had to have a change in direction, I had to remain in a state of what I like to call ‘no man’s’ land’ and not realise that the direction I was travelling in, while I enjoyed it, it was not really the divine path laid out for me. Finding my purpose could have made me happier and it did, once it landed in my lap. So for anyone who stumbles across this random blog post I’d say– seek it out now your own purpose. You could save some of the best years of your life being wasted.

Ask yourself?

What do I enjoy doing?

What am I good at/ what’s my talent?

What would I like to be good at?

What have I overcome/ survived/ been through/ or have experience in that could help others? Or even make me some money?

The first two questions will show you clearly where or how you could spend your time, and that activity might not feel like a drag. This is a major thing for finding one’s purpose, the purpose should ideally not feel like something that you’d only be in the mood to do less than 75 percent of the time. You really must enjoy the purpose whatever it is for your own sanity, and the likely-hood that you’d continue with it.

If you really hone in on your talent this is also an excellent opportunity to find your purpose. Think of soft skills also that we have as people. If you’re a good listener, good at giving advice, or supporting people these talents can lend themselves to professions/directions you may not have considered.

Sometimes, things we enjoy that could well be our purpose in life we need to up-skill a bit in, take writing for example. Even a writer can have a natural talent ( like myself), but there are things to learn along the way. For sure I didn’t know everything, or as much as I know now to be anywhere as good as I am now, even if I had a natural talent to start with. This does not mean that you’re no good at your purpose or initial talent, it could just need to be honed a bit more. This leads on to what would I like to be good at? See if you have a talent, interest, skills, something you identify that could be your purpose, it’s important to consider if you’d be prepared to do what it takes to be good at it, if you needed to work o it– what would you like to be good at in other words. Something that would not overwhelm you or bore you.

Lastly, in life we all go through the shit, the motions, the drama, and it’s often in these times that we have our greatest growth. Not only that these testing times can cause us to change direction, or gain some kind of experience from hindsight that could really help others. This is key, whatever you’ve overcome, experienced, survived, grown from can be your purpose in life that could be used to help others. Or even give you a new stream of income, and great pleasure. Also, the help, support, advice, service whatever it is that’s your one talent, if it does not feel like something you would only want to do less than 75 percent of the time, then you’re on to a winner also!

How can finding your purpose really benefit you though?

Well if it’s not obvious yet, I read a book called Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life it became so clear to me from the study the author carried out into the Japanese way of life that, those who had found a purpose in life not only lived longer, they were physically healthier and happier. These are clearly the main benefits. From my own experience of finding my purpose while I don’t know if I will live longer, until it happens LOL I do know that, I get up each day with a whole different vibe than I did before. No matter what is going on personally, or even globally as I tend to keep up with world events I feel good, very good generally personally. I am happier, I actually am healthier my habits for sure are! I wake up before or with the sunrise and that first hour is spent only on me alone, doing something I want to start my day well. Whether that be listening to a podcast with positive news, affirmations, listening to an audio or just a moment of appreciation. The latter is the other major thing I’ve found with finding my purpose– I am full of appreciation and gratitude even in times of hardship and sorrow. This kind of attitude in life can really help you get through each day. Especially in these times we’re all living in with the pandemic, and political heat in some parts of the world, that does impact on others watching the politics play out. So friend, if you have not really considered if you’re on the right track or your purpose in life, with all these benefits to your health and well-being, please do read over the points above, reflect, and reach towards your purpose don’t wait for it to find you!

Romance Writing: Is There Ever Too Much Sex? Erotica vs Romance- The Difference? #90DaysBlogChallenge #amwriting #blogchallenge

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Well, in response to the #90DaysBlogChallenge in my personal view point, is there ever too much sex in romance stories? I feel that how it’s written can make it seem ‘too much.’ Rather than how much is written. Also, I feel if that (hot sex) is the main driver in a story that’s meant to be, or marketed as a romance, then it can come across as too much. I feel the latter as yes, I agree that there’s a massive difference between romance and erotica, in terms of genre, and the purpose they serve to myself as a reader and others. If the main driver is ‘hot sex’ as a selling point of the story, it really should be an erotica story. So, let me break this down.

Seriously, is it ever too much?

In romance sex may play a big part in the story, after all this is about people and their relationships. So sex will be normal, naturally for characters as it is for real people. It’s a way relationships develop you could say, so generally it’s to be expected in romance stories. Unless it’s a ‘sweet and clean’ type of story. Generally speaking for me as a big romance reader, and writer, I think that if romance writers think very carefully about where they place their sex scenes, what purpose it serves, and why their characters must get it on at that point in the story– this helps with reducing that cringe-worthy read feeling. Or the feeling a reader may have (myself included) of, ‘this is too much, shit I’m not gonna finish this book.’ This is what I mean by how sex is written rather than how much of it. Also, in addition to this if there’s pages and pages of it, that’s overly detailed, and leaves little to the imagination, and nothing else going on really in the story –yes as a reader I’ve felt it’s ‘too much.’ Again, that boils down to how it’s written. The main elements of what makes a romance a romance may also be missing, if sex is all that’s driving the plot. Which brings me back to the point I made earlier– maybe that’s an erotica story if that’s the case.

So what’s the difference between erotica and romance in your view, Kim?

I know that’s what you’re thinking, well what’s the difference? In all honesty for me erotica is sex driven not emotionally or even plot driven. To me the genre from what I have read of it, and clearly I know of it as a writer the main purpose it serves is more: the sexual tension, the sexy acts the characters get into themselves (BDSM, threesomes, carrying out fantasies etc). The plot is not always as dynamic as romance as the sexy acts can be such a big part of the story, and reason why the characters are together in the first place. This seems to be (from reading) what the main emphasis is on, in a lot of what I’ve read. It’s about the thrill of the chase yes but–sexually. Maybe you disagree, but this has just been my experience. I’d also generally say this as a writer too, I (and I’d guess most romance writers regardless of their sub-genre), write stories that are emotionally and plot driven. The emotional build up, tension (not always sexual think of romantic suspense as a sub-genre), and the growth and development characters often experience are a big factor of a story. The latter should be a feature if the writer has done a good job! Readers can feel and see it. Generally speaking also, the latter is not always something that is a heavy focus in erotica stories. It’s the power that’s in the sex scenes, rather than the power in emotionally tugging at a reader.

What about ‘steamy romance’?

Yes, let’s not forget this. I am a ‘steamy romance writer’ to the core. I find it very hard to write stories where characters just hold hands and walk in the park LOL. Those that pen wonderful romance and keep it clean, I commend them. It’s something I can’t really do– or maybe I just don’t wanna! Deep down. Steamy romance in my opinion is again different from erotica. I’d go as far as say I believe that ‘steamy romance’ is romance–emotionally and plot driven with growth for characters, a clear bond for characters over and above sexual attraction, even if sexual attraction is a feature in a story. To me it’s a label you can give romance stories that have all the features of a traditional romance but, it’s not ‘sweet and clean’, sex may feature a few times, and yes it may well be written in detail but not over the top. It’s different as again the main driver is not how ‘hot’ the sex is like erotica. The hot sex, adds to all the other romantic elements focused on.

So in a nutshell for me, nope there’s never too much sex in a romance as long as it’s well written, and not just thrown in for the sake of it. A lazy writer who can’t develop a romance, or romantically charged plot well, or feels that’s what’s needed to engage a reader (heaps of sex only), might fall back on this technique and call it ‘romance.’ To me it’s really not. Yes, there’s a massive difference between erotica and romance. No matter how steamy that romance is. The plot will always be over and above: ‘getting it on,’ having ‘hot sex scenes,’ or the thrill of the chase for characters is based on knowing what a sexual experience with another character might be like.

What do you think? Do you read either romance or erotica genres– is there a difference for you? Which one do you prefer?